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Posts Tagged ‘Spouse’

Sanity and working together…

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

There are many differences between good strong relationships and relationships that struggle.  We have discussed some of them in the past, but another characteristic of a strong relationship is working together.  When you work together as a couple, it keeps you sane, especially when you have a burden on your relationship. 

In our case, a new baby in the house is definitely a strain on our sanity as first time parents.  There are bottles to be made and diapers to be changed, all while the baby is crying.  It’s a lot on the nerves.  The only way to make it through, that I can see anyway, is to work together.  When you share the responsibilities you are not only showing respect to your partner, but you are directly impacting their stress level in a positive way.  This keeps the blood pressure low and, if your lucky, keeps the sleep deprivation to a minimum, haha. 

Identify the stressers in your relationship.  Sit down and discuss them together, and see if you can agree on a method to work together and remove the stress.  Show each other the love and respect that you felt for each other when you got married.  That is how love and respect grow throughout the years.  I love and respect Jerrill more everyday.  And the love and respect I show him, he shows to me as well, and that, people, helps you keep your sanity when you have a million things to do and no time to do it in.

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Father’s Day gifts for the frugal shopper, and neat ideas for the NEW DADDY!

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Last month we posted some ideas for the frugal shopper looking to get mom something special for Mother’s Day, and now, with Father’s Day fast approaching, we’ve decided to post several links to websites that have some great tips for the gift givers!  For ideas on inexpensive gifts for Father’s Day, check out the following links:

  • Better Budgeting - Some great ideas here!  My favorite is the idea of yard service.  This is great for the father who doesn’t relish the idea of getting out in the heat and working in the yard.   A truly thoughtful gift.
  • About.com - As for this website, I personally like the “week of special lunches”, since Jerrill takes his lunch to work everyday.  I think this might top my list for next years Father’s Day!
  • iVillage.com - This has some good tips for the 1st Father’s Day for a new dad!  The big idea here is keeping it simple and inexpensive, and I wholeheartedly agree, since most men I know wouldn’t want you to break the bank on their Father’s Day gift anyway.  Men are men.  If they want something for themselves, they generally go get it!
  • Associated Content - This has some sweet ideas and some funny ideas for the new dad.  I LOVE the “new dad diaper changing survival kit”!  This is a great little funny gift for the dad with a sense of humor!

So, with my baby about to be born any day now, you might be asking what your favorite southern woman has done for her man on Father’s Day.  Well, I have 2 presents in store for him (I don’t mind sharing…he’s a little busy with baby stuff right now, and won’t likely be reading this week’s posts, haha).  The first is a picture frame that will have our first family picture in it, that he can take to work.  The second is my favorite however.  I have had his wedding band inscribed, something personal from just me to him, because even though it is Father’s Day, the joy of our baby would not have been possible without our love and devotion to each other, and it’s always good for couples to remember that.

Hope these links help you find the ideal and frugal gift for your dad!  Good luck!

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Don’t forget to say please and thank you!

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

One of the great ways to give your relationship and the emotional piggy bank (read more about this here) of your significant other a boost is to remember what you learned in elementary school.  For example, saying please and thank you.  It’s not much, but this little showing of respect and love is a huge boost to your emotional piggy bank that makes you feel better.  Why does it make you feel better?  Because it shows respect and appreciation.

Now, I am quite positive that most of us have heard people say that communication is the key to a good relationship.  Well, that statement is not only inaccurate, seeing as it has to be GOOD communication to be worthwhile, but it also leaves out a couple of other very important parts of a healthy relationship: Respect and appreciation.  Although we all know that respect and appreciation are important, we are all generally so self-centric that we only focus on when we aren’t receiving them.  And what I have to say to you is this: Why?  Why do you think that your partner should show you respect and appreciation if you aren’t showing them that same respect?  It isn’t a one way sort of thing!  It’s just like saying please and thank you!  You should WANT to show respect and appreciation to the person that you love, just as much as you want to receive it.  I don’t wake up in the morning wondering what ways my husband can show me his love, respect and appreciation!  I wake up wondering what ways I can show him my love respect and appreciation! 

Here’s the short and tall of it:  You can communicate until you’re blue in the face, but if that communication (or any other part of the relationship) doesn’t include respect and appreciation, then the relationship will suffer.  Not sure how to get started??  How about saying please and thank you?  How about asking your partner if you can do anything for them?  That way, their emotional piggy bank fills up and overflows, making it easier on them to reciprocate!

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Valentine’s Day tips and ideas…

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

Much to the dismay of many men across the country, Valentine’s Day is this weekend and now is the time to start planning (earlier would have been good as well, but I’ll take what I can get).  So, say you want to do something for Valentine’s Day, but either can’t think of anything, or are on a tight budget…what do you do?

Well, if you are having trouble coming up with creative ideas, let me put your mind at ease that most women (not all of us, unfortunately…even though Valentine’s Day is OPTIONAL, some women expect the moon and more) are appreciative of anything you do.  So no matter what it is, the fact that you’ve done something is enough to make us happy.  That being said, if you want to get creative with the traditional Valentine’s Day ideas, to score some bonus  points, there are some great ways to do that.  For example:

  • The trifecta – Flowers, candy and jewelry.  We all like roses, but get creative and get some orchids or tulips (red or pink are probably best).  Candy is great unless she’s health conscious, so either get her favorite chocolates (they don’t have to be expensive, just her favorite) or try something a little more healthy, like her favorite fruits or nuts (the expensive ones that she won’t buy herself).  Jewelry is a personal thing, but as long as you know which color is her favorite (yellow or white gold) and which type of jewelry (bracelet, earrings or necklace) you should be fine.  No matter what you choose, be sure to get creative and hide the box where it will surprise her.
  • Dinner and a movie- This is a great gift for the significant other that doesn’t get to go out much.  The dinner should be to a nice place (where she can get dressed up, if she likes that sort of thing) and the movie should be her favorite (yes, that could mean chick flick, but come on, it’s only once a year, I know you’re man enough to live through it).
  • Cultural – If your girl likes a little culture, a trip to the theater or a museum might suit her.  Take her to her favorite cultural outing, or to a new place (or show) she hasn’t been to yet.

If  you’re on a tight budget, some of these things can sound out of your reach.  Don’t worry!  These are ways to be sweet to your significant other while watching your pennies too!  Here are some examples of the above ideas, on a budget:

  •  The trifecta – Flowers, candy and jewelry.  Flowers on a budget at Valentine’s Day isn’t too bad.  You can get them at a discount store, like Costco or Sam’s Club/Wal-Mart, the price will be what you like.  Also, it pays to buy them a week early and give them to her then, since the price will be lower (unfortunate, but yes, the florists jack-up the prices on Valentine’s Day).  Candy is easy on a budget…instead of opting for an expensive box of chocolates, bake her a delicious dessert.  This satisfies her sweet tooth, saves money and scores you points for effort!  Jewelry is easier than you think on a budget.  Most women like “costume” or “fashion” jewelry, so find out her favorite costume jewelry designer, and, if it’s in your budget, get some.  Not in your budget?  Opt for something personal, like her favorite movie on DVD, with a bag of popcorn and a note about having a movie night, or a professional massage (check your local massage school, since they often offer these services at a fraction of the cost…or, give her the massage yourself!).
  • Dinner and a movie – If she likes to go out, do a dinner out, but scale back and take her to a moderately priced place.  Otherwise, cook for her.  You can buy the ingredients to make a fancy dinner at a fraction of the cost of that same dinner out.  Set the table for a formal dinner, with full silverware, linen napkins and candles.  Inform her that she should “dress” for dinner, and be dressed up yourself, since it will make the experience more memorable.  The movie can be watched at home (budget friendly), and if you want serious bonus points, a little dancing in the living room never hurt any man, I don’t care if you’ve heard rumors to the contrary!
  • Cultural – Well, museums are still priced right for the budget conscious this year, but the theater is out, so if the museum isn’t your thing, you could both go donate blood together, or do some community service work together.  Not in that kind of mood?  Well, find a safe but culturally different part of town, and go on a mini “tour”.  Walking, biking or driving, it’s up to you.  Just do something to make it memorable.

There you have it!  A few (and long winded) tips on ways to get creative or stay in budget for Valentine’s Day!  Good luck, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!

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Good things come from carrying her purse!

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

This past weekend, your favorite southern couple went out with some friends Saturday night to one of our favorite local Cajun joints.  The food, and company, was, as always, fantastic.  After a couple hours of eating and gabbing, we decided to come back to our place for games and more laughs.  As we were leaving, I noticed that our friend Brad was not only refilling Jodi’s drink, but was also holding her purse, as she was indisposed.  Now, it’s not the first time I thought this, but that’s when it hit me…these 2 are great for each other! 

Throughout the years, people have made fun of the guy who carries his woman’s purse.  Heck, Brad Paisley even wrote a song about it!   Now, I know that something as small as carrying her purse is not indicative of lasting 50 years, but it does reveal a characteristic that, in my opinion, does relate to a lasting relationship…consideration.  Being considerate of your partner, and their feelings, is vital to a relationship.  It shows that without their request, you’re willing to help them, it reveals a deeper connection between you both and a desire to put your partners feelings before your own.  And as you all know, on this point, Jerrill and I do not waiver.  We put each other’s feelings ahead of our own.  Not out of obligation, but out of love and respect.  And while it might not work for everyone, it works pretty well for us!  Do we have our moments?  Sure, nobody’s perfect, and everyone has their moments where they don’t think.  But the effort is what counts. 

So, here is your homework.  Look at your own relationship.  Do you think you’re a considerate partner?  Can you name examples?    If you can, great.  If not, perhaps you should try and incorporate a couple of new ideas into your relationship. 

Just a little food for thought!  But you know, a strong bond between partners can help you get through the upcoming holidays, amongst other things!

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Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule!

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Today’s post is based on a blog post by Dan Miller, author of 48 Days to the Work You Love.  On October 12th, he wrote about a chapter in the new book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, called the 10,000 hours rule.  Are you intrigued? You should be!  Find the original blog post here.

Basically, the jist of the 10,000 hour rule is that the author’s research shows that it’s rare for a person to get to the top of their game in their chosen field without putting in at least 10,000 hours of preparation. 

Raw talent is apparently not as important as the time you devote to your passion…to that thing you do better than everyone else.  No matter who you are and where you came from, no one gets to the top without the 10,000 hours.  And, supposing you want to get to the top of your field, that means you’ve got to WORK!  In a 40 hour work week, you can finish those 10,000 hours in 5 years.  If you’re doing a part time job at 20 hours a week, that’s 10 years.  If you’re working 60 hours a week, that means you’ll finish in 2 1/2 years, but it also means you don’t have a work-life balance, and I can’t agree with that! 

Where are you putting your hours in?  Are you putting effort in the areas of your life that matter the most, or are you leaving work, coming home and turning into a couch potato?  I truly hope you’re not ignoring your family in exchange for mindless channel surfing.  And hey, if the area of your life that matters most, that you want to be excellent at is your relationship with your partner, I’m totally cool with that!  So long as you are putting in the hours and are excellent at something you love, your favorite southern couple is behind you!

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Everybody Loves A Good Clips Episode…

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

This week I wanted to revisit some of my previous posts that I find to be worth repeating, because when it comes to money and relationships, lessons need to be reinforced.  It’s the best way to stay focused!  Below, you will find links to some of our previous and a description.  We hope they keep you focused if you are doing well with your money and marriage (relationship) or get you back on track if you’ve lost your way. 

  • Can You Plan Spontaneity - This is a recent post, but it’s a good one, and it’s one of our trademark tips for a successful lifestyle .  The post outlines how we have built spontaneity into our budget (which works quite well, I assure you), achieving both spontaneity (to have a little mystery about special outings, gifts etc.) and budget restraint (so you have so money to retire on one day).
  • YOU are an emotional piggy bank -   This post has generated a lotof talk of the last few weeks.   You are an emotional piggy bank, taking in deposits and doling out payments from other people.  Just like a bank account or a piggy bank, you need to have more deposits coming in than payments going out for the system (i.e. you) to function.  People that drain too much from you, drain you, and you should spend time with them sparingly, if at all.  This, of course, is opposed to emotional boosts, who make lotsof deposits into your piggy bank.  You should spend as much time as possible around these special people.
  • Never forget where you started… - This post is a reminder of why you got married or into a relationship with your spouse/significant other, and some tips on how to make it work better or keep it working wonderfully!
  • Why your friends are costing you money, and what you can do to stop it! - This post is all about being friends with people who have a larger income than you and ways to avoid the pressure of spending too much money, or spending money that you don’t have when you hang out/spend time with them!
  •   So, going to the gym is like budgeting my finances? - This post draws parallels between going to the gym and budgeting your finances.  Not only are there insights into better ways to budget your money, but there are also a few tips on going to the gym!  You can’t beat that!

So, those are the blog posts that we’d like for you to go back and take a second look at!  Hopefully, you will find some information that helps you along in your life, or reaffirms what you already have in practice!

 

 

 

 

“clips episode” of previous posts that are “must reads”

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Why Working Together Isn’t Only For Times Of Crisis…

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

Many of you know that Jerrill and I believe a strong connection/relationship is key to the success of the family. We feel that the relationship of a husband and wife, their ability to communicate, their respect for each other and how well they work together are all indicators of their future success in the other facets (such as business and friendships) of their life.

So today, I decided to make a point of telling you that working together is not only for times of crisis, but for every day, in every action. This will prepare you better for those times when the unexpected occurs. When you need to decide who is picking up the kids, there should be no drama. You both are responsible for them, so if one of you can’t do it, the other should, not because you have to, but because you want to help out, and work together. If you are trying to work on your household budget, and there isn’t enough money to go around, you shouldn’t refuse to give up your $6 a day coffee habit, or your mani/pedi’s, while your partner gives up every indulgence they have. You want to succeed together, you might have to make some sacrifices. These (and countless others) are every day occurrences where you can build up the skills that you can use in a crisis.

One crisis, for example, that a lot of people are going through right now is a job loss. If you or your partner have lost a job, you definitely quailify as being in a crisis! Now, are you working together? Are you sitting down together, deciding which activities can be cut out of your lives? Are you deciding which items in you budget can be scaled back or removed all together, until you are back on your feet? Or, are you blaming the partner who lost their job, feeling resentful of the burden they placed on you? If you are the latter, then this is your wake-up call! They did not lose their job because they wanted to, I assure you! Get rid of the negative feelings and decide that you are a team, and do whatever it takes TOGETHER to get through the tough times!

There are, of course, those people who get paid enough at their jobs that they don’t have to work with their spouse because they can pay for/hire out whatever they need. But keep in mind, if they stopped, and took the time from their busy life to notice, they would see just how unhappy life is, when you live with someone with whom you don’t communicate, work with or respect.

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Why we need to have hope for the American Marriage…

Friday, July 10th, 2009

As you know, Jerrill and I believe that a strong marriage and central family unit is key to all the successes of the family members in all that they do. This week’s article is about the importance of marriage and family. Here is a quote from the article, Is There Hope for the American Marriage? By Caitlin Flanagan:

a lasting covenant between a man and a woman can be a vehicle for the nurture and protection of each other, the one reliable shelter in an uncaring world — or it can be a matchless tool for the infliction of suffering on the people you supposedly love above all others, most of all on your children.

This article is all about the importance of a strong marriage and how important it is for the children to have 2 parents in the home. It is chock full of information. It states that children of divorced, middle-class parents do less well in school and at college compared with underprivileged kids from two-parent households. This absolutely floored me. However, it does seem to fit with and support our viewpoints on family.

As the article points out, most of us do want the “fairytale” marriage, as in, married for 25 years and still deeply in love. I don’t know anyone who has gotten married and didn’t want that. We simply have to work at it. I don’t let a day go by that I don’t make sure I am doing the things that I know will be a benefit to Jerrill, or at least, make him very very happy. I focus on his happiness, and our happiness, and that ensures that I don’t take him for granted.

So, go check out the article! I really hope you enjoy it as much as we did! It’s a long read, but well worth it.

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Never forget where you started…

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

As we get older our lives change. We graduate high school, go to college or enter the work force and eventually settle on/start a career. During this 10-15 year timeframe, we usually meet someone special. Someone that we get excited to see and are happy to hear their voice. That person who gives your belly the “warm fuzzies” when you think of them. Now, not everyone follows this track, but the majority of people get engaged, married and then start a family. Unfortunately, some of these marriages fail and end in divorce. Now, for many of these marriages, money woes were a major part of this failure, but there are other silent problems that we can’t recognize easily that can lead to the destruction of a marriage. Recognizing and protecting against these troubles is what helps keep the “Successful” in your favorite southern couples’ marriage. Even if you already know what they are this will be a good refresher for you.

  • Miscommunications – In my opinion, communication is the number one, absolutely most important part of any marriage, period. Why is that? Because MIScommunications are a major cause of arguements. Think about it. Your spouse says something to you and it sounds hateful. Instead of being hateful back to them, ask them if anything is wrong! You do love them, remember? Maybe you said something to hurt their feelings. Maybe they had a tough day at work. Whatever the case, they love you too, and wouldn’t be snapping at you without a reason! They are MIS-communicating their feelings, and you are about to “stir the pot”! Instead, sit down as a couple and discuss what happened. If you hurt their feelings, apologize! Not an unfeeling “oh, I’M sorry YOUR feelings are hurt” apology, but a “wow, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings…I didn’t mean to do that” kind of apology. I mean, you didn’t intend to hurt their feelings, did you? Did they have a bad day at work? Ask them to tell you about it, which helps relieve their stress. At the end, if the comment they made to you was hurtful, tell them so, and ask them to be careful in letting their work affect how they speak to you. The more you communicate, the better you will understand each other!

  • Don’t Yell! – In a related topic, why are you yelling at each other? Are you not capable of controlling your anger? Do you not have to control yourself at work when you’re angry? So why do you think you should yell at home? Yelling at someone demonstrates that you can’t logically discuss a problem and tells them that all you care about is “winning” the arguement…let me tell you a secret…you can’t win an arguement by yelling, all you do is make the other person decide it isn’t worth the effort to try to communicate with you. That isn’t a win…it’s a failed relationship, because if they give up on communicating with you, the 2 of you will not last as a couple!

  • You both have a veto – In my house, we put bills/laws up to be passed or vetoed, just like the White House. For example, if I want chicken and he wants pasta, he can veto my chicken and suggest pasta. If he wants a big screen TV, I can veto it. If I want to move to Alabama, he can veto that. This goes on til we agree. It’s not important what the final decision is, but rather that we made it together and were both heard in the process.

  • Don’t forget to show respect – This is a problem that a lot of marriages have. We tend to focus on oursleves and what we are doing for the family so much that we forget to show respect for our partner. You should treat you spouse as though they are the most important person/thing in your life, because, frankly, they should be.

  • You both have to be on the same plan – It doesn’t matter what plan you’re on (although I could suggest a couple) as long as you’re on the same plan! If one of you isn’t ready for children, the other should not be decorating a nursery! Working together (are you seeing the trend) and following a plan to acheive your goals works so much better than 2 people trying to acheive their own goals separately, but in the same house. Your actions will affect the other persons life! I’m likely to offend some people here, but I beleive that when you become “man and wife” you become one. That means no his and hers, that means ours! Don’t try to define what belongs to whom and who pays what bills! And things like separate checking accounts only promote division in the marriage!

  • Ackknowledge each others efforts/accomplishments – Last time I checked, it feels good to be praised, and everyone likes it. So then, wouldn’t it stand to reason that when your spouse accomplishs something (even something small) you should praise them? And don’t think you have to spend thousands of dollars to do so! The praise should be commiserate with the deed. It’s not what type of praise you’re giving, it’s the fact that you are giving praise!

  • Your marriage is sacred, and your children need to know/see that - This is another topic that will likely upset some people, but in my house, the marriage comes first. I do not have children yet, but when I do (which will be soon), I plan to make sure that my children know that I love them with all my heart…but that mommy and daddys’ relationship comes before their plethora of extra cirricular activities. Date nights are a must. Family nights are a must. Mommy and daddy being in love and wanting to do things together teaches healthy relationships to the children, and I think we can all agree that children these days need examples of strong, loving relationships!

So, I say to never forget where you started…that happy in love, sweet, caring, respectful and appreciative couple you were in the beginning can continue to old age if you try! I am sure that I have left out other parts to a happy marriage, but this will get you started in the right direction! If you have specific questions, feel free to leave a comment!

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