In our case, a new baby in the house is definitely a strain on our sanity as first time parents.  There are bottles to be made and diapers to be changed, all while the baby is crying.  It’s a lot on the nerves.  The only way to make it through, that I can see anyway, is to work together.  When you share the responsibilities you are not only showing respect to your partner, but you are directly impacting their stress level in a positive way.  This keeps the blood pressure low and, if your lucky, keeps the sleep deprivation to a minimum, haha. 

Identify the stressers in your relationship.  Sit down and discuss them together, and see if you can agree on a method to work together and remove the stress.  Show each other the love and respect that you felt for each other when you got married.  That is how love and respect grow throughout the years.  I love and respect Jerrill more everyday.  And the love and respect I show him, he shows to me as well, and that, people, helps you keep your sanity when you have a million things to do and no time to do it in.

Buy building relationships with people who are also involved in these organizations, you will build a reputation as a solid and concerned citizen, and will get your name, and the name of your business out in the business world.  Just remember not to join more groups than you have time to dedicate to them.  While there are many local groups that you can join in the town/city you live in or near, there are many national groups as well.  Try to pick groups that are relevant in some way to your business, if that’s at all possible.  What are some of the national groups you could join?  Check these out:

The Boys and Girls Club of America  – Get involved in mentoring children with hard luck backgrounds.

Kiwanis International - Global volunteer organization that helps communities and children.

Volunteers of America - Service oriented organization that helps people get “back on track”

Volunteer.gov - A database that has volunteer opportunities able to be sorted by state, agency and type of opportunity.

Habitat for Humanity - A nonprofit organization that builds houses for those in need. 

There are countless others to choose from, but these are a few volunteer options to get you started.  Don’t forget, though, that you can join other groups that focus on education or professional development in your local community!

I have always been opposed to the excessive use of tech, especially when you are supposed to be focused on your family.  The fact is, there are times when it’s OK to tech binge, and there are times when it’s not.  Children should not have these tech things that can distract them from their family, and the parents shouldn’t set a bad example by using their gadgets all the time either.  There have been numerous studies that prove that multi-tasking is only possible for 3% of the population without the loss of quality.  With that fact in mind, what do you think happens to the quality of family time when each member of the family has a gadget in their hands and in their face?  Obviously, the quality goes down!

Am I saying that people shouldn’t ever use the tech they have?  No, of course not.  But when “family time” is really family time, it’s probably a good idea to put the tech away for the duration.  For example, when we go on vacation, we heavily limit our use of our tech.  We take our laptop with us to be able to stream music or play it from our music library while we are hanging out at the condo/hotel room.  We take our camera for pictures and the OCCASIONAL video (I’m not a big video fan since I sound every bit the hillbilly that I am ).  We take the GPS to get us there safely, and our cell phones in case of emergency.  We DO NOT use the cell phones while on vacation, with the exception of the phone call made to family informing them of our safe arrival.  We limit the tech because while on vacation, there are PLENTY of other things to do and we should focus on each other, not the world around us.

Think about your household (or, like our example, your vacation).  Do you spend too much time in front of the computer?  Your gaming system?  Your smart phone?  Does your significant other have to ask you the same question 4 times before you hear them?  Have you been caught up in something on the Internet andnot heard your child call to you, or, like the article, have you forgot to pick your child up from school (etc.) because you were too engrossed in something online?  If you struggle to find the time for your family because of your gadgets, I would suggest limiting your time on them, and limiting how much your children see you on them.  If they see you do it, they will also do it, and teaching a child how to ignore their future family isn’t exactly a great life lesson.

Obviously they both speak for themselves, but many times we either don’t think things through or apply them in our lives.  IF, for example, we are the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves with, and we surround ourselves with people who choose to be frugal and manage their money wisely, it stands to reason that we would find it easier to stick to our decisions as well.   

So, the question is, have you thought through the people you spend the most time with these days?  Are they the type of people you would want to be if you had to be someone else?  Would you let them step into your life and run your house and job/business in your stead, making all choices and decisions for you?  If you would not trust them to make the wise decisions you would make (or wiser even), then I say perhaps you need to reevaluate the friendship.  This doesn’t necessarily mean I want you to ditch all your friends that don’t “measure up”, but maybe you need to develop better relationships with friends who meet your new found requirements, or perhaps YOU need to be the role model for your friends, encouraging them in their endeavors.  Whichever of these choices you feel you were meant to do, implementing them isn’t difficult (just being aware of the choices in front of you with regard to your friends is a step in the right direction, but also, I find that deciding to be the type of friend you want to have makes a big difference as well, since so many people are NOT the type of friend they want to have), and the rewards can be plentiful, both in wealth and in personal fulfillment. 

• With regard to your career, the author suggests that you heed your enemies.  The logic behind this advice is that the people you have trouble with are generally those people that have the greatest insight into you and your attitudes and faults.  What these people have to say will help you improve as a worker/entrepreneur…if you only take the time to listen.
• With regard to the stock market, buy and hold your funds.  The author and I agree on this…people think that they can beat the stock market, but in reality, almost no one can (and you are probably not the exception).  If you buy funds and then keep them over the long run, you’re more likely to make money, at the very least thanks in part to the ability to avoid taxes and other fees.
• Don’t be a fool with regard to your love life.   When lovers quarrel, each has the blame around 50% of the time.  Understanding this fact will help you build the kind of relationship that isn’t as susceptible to a divorce.  And as all of us know, either from personal experience or the experience of a friend or loved one, divorce sucks.  We don’t want it and should avoid it at all costs (both financially and emotionally). 

That’s it.  3 very simple little lessons that might save you a lot of headache or heartache as your graduate enters the post high school, trade school or college life that they have worked so hard to achieve.

I want my readers to understand that I don’t say this lightly, but I feel that the Baby Boomer generation made choices that, while right for them at the time, have shaped the attitudes of us Gen Xers and Gen Yers to rebel against the way our parents taught us. 

What am I referring to?  What choices did they make?  Given the innovation of the times, and the changes in attitude toward working women, the Baby Boomers were able to send both parents to work, which resulted in a higher income, but took parents away from their children.  This meant that they weren’t there all the time to ensure their children were learning all the life lessons they should, and given that they had VCRs, game consoles and personal computers to contend with, this might not have been best for every family.

Instead of learning to eat healthy and get plenty of physical activity, some of us only learned what TV dinners were and were allowed to sit and play game consoles instead of physical games outdoors.  Instead of learning to save money and pay for what we wanted with cash, we watched as our parents (and other influential adults in our lives) charged what they wanted, to be paid for over time at a later date. 

Watching this happen, most of us started off as adults who charged everything and ate whatever we wanted without caring about exercise or health.  How did this affect us?  Did we sit back and let it happen to us, teaching the same to our children?  For many of us, we did not.  We decided to take better care of ourselves and our finances.  We decided that dinner should be made from  healthy ingredients, instead of being microwaved in a box.  We decided (or were forced to realize through too much debt) that financing everything we want isn’t a smart financial decision in the long run…that living paycheck to paycheck just to “have it all” right now isn’t really living.  We decided that family time IS more important than 70 hour work weeks just to make a few extra bucks. 

Does this make our parents terrible parents?  Of course not!  We are who we are because of them!  Different parenting styles make the world go round.  It just means that some of us have to dig ourselves out of a hole, be that weight gain/health issues or debt.  Either way, we’re teaching ourselves the lessons we missed, and now just have to remember that for our own children!

Why does it cause you so much trouble?  Well, because when you’re intolerant of something, you’re the one experiencing the turmoil, not generally the person of whom you are intolerant.  So even though they might be the one acting like the idiot, you are the one irritated and fuming.  That doesn’t exactly help your mental well being (or your blood pressure)! 

It’s a personal growth experience when you learn to tolerate someone or something.  The drama that occurs during that “experience” is something that I’m sure most of us would rather avoid (as pointed out above), but instead, we need to learn from it and create a working/lasting relationship with the person(s) in question. 

How can you give yourself a better opportunity to be a tolerant adult?  Well, honestly, I’m still learning myself, but my advice from what I’ve learned so far would be to learn tolerance as early in your life as you can!  Learn to accept that people are different, we do things differently, and if someone does something that irritates you, try to be understanding of them and their point of view.  Don’t let them get to you! 

A quick note:  Before you read this and quickly move on, saying to yourself that you are tolerant and this doesn’t apply to you, I really want you to stop and think about how you handle those types of situations…we all have room for improvement!

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

Well, if you are having trouble coming up with creative ideas, let me put your mind at ease that most women (not all of us, unfortunately…even though Valentine’s Day is OPTIONAL, some women expect the moon and more) are appreciative of anything you do.  So no matter what it is, the fact that you’ve done something is enough to make us happy.  That being said, if you want to get creative with the traditional Valentine’s Day ideas, to score some bonus  points, there are some great ways to do that.  For example:

• The trifecta – Flowers, candy and jewelry.  We all like roses, but get creative and get some orchids or tulips (red or pink are probably best).  Candy is great unless she’s health conscious, so either get her favorite chocolates (they don’t have to be expensive, just her favorite) or try something a little more healthy, like her favorite fruits or nuts (the expensive ones that she won’t buy herself).  Jewelry is a personal thing, but as long as you know which color is her favorite (yellow or white gold) and which type of jewelry (bracelet, earrings or necklace) you should be fine.  No matter what you choose, be sure to get creative and hide the box where it will surprise her.
• Dinner and a movie- This is a great gift for the significant other that doesn’t get to go out much.  The dinner should be to a nice place (where she can get dressed up, if she likes that sort of thing) and the movie should be her favorite (yes, that could mean chick flick, but come on, it’s only once a year, I know you’re man enough to live through it).
• Cultural – If your girl likes a little culture, a trip to the theater or a museum might suit her.  Take her to her favorite cultural outing, or to a new place (or show) she hasn’t been to yet.

If  you’re on a tight budget, some of these things can sound out of your reach.  Don’t worry!  These are ways to be sweet to your significant other while watching your pennies too!  Here are some examples of the above ideas, on a budget:

•  The trifecta – Flowers, candy and jewelry.  Flowers on a budget at Valentine’s Day isn’t too bad.  You can get them at a discount store, like Costco or Sam’s Club/Wal-Mart, the price will be what you like.  Also, it pays to buy them a week early and give them to her then, since the price will be lower (unfortunate, but yes, the florists jack-up the prices on Valentine’s Day).  Candy is easy on a budget…instead of opting for an expensive box of chocolates, bake her a delicious dessert.  This satisfies her sweet tooth, saves money and scores you points for effort!  Jewelry is easier than you think on a budget.  Most women like “costume” or “fashion” jewelry, so find out her favorite costume jewelry designer, and, if it’s in your budget, get some.  Not in your budget?  Opt for something personal, like her favorite movie on DVD, with a bag of popcorn and a note about having a movie night, or a professional massage (check your local massage school, since they often offer these services at a fraction of the cost…or, give her the massage yourself!).
• Dinner and a movie – If she likes to go out, do a dinner out, but scale back and take her to a moderately priced place.  Otherwise, cook for her.  You can buy the ingredients to make a fancy dinner at a fraction of the cost of that same dinner out.  Set the table for a formal dinner, with full silverware, linen napkins and candles.  Inform her that she should “dress” for dinner, and be dressed up yourself, since it will make the experience more memorable.  The movie can be watched at home (budget friendly), and if you want serious bonus points, a little dancing in the living room never hurt any man, I don’t care if you’ve heard rumors to the contrary!
• Cultural – Well, museums are still priced right for the budget conscious this year, but the theater is out, so if the museum isn’t your thing, you could both go donate blood together, or do some community service work together.  Not in that kind of mood?  Well, find a safe but culturally different part of town, and go on a mini “tour”.  Walking, biking or driving, it’s up to you.  Just do something to make it memorable.

There you have it!  A few (and long winded) tips on ways to get creative or stay in budget for Valentine’s Day!  Good luck, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!

There are very few people out there who can make intuitive leaps of greater understanding out of scarce information.   You know, the people who excel in an area in spite of all surroundings and obstacles.  These are the “genius janitors” out there, solving quantum physics equations on their lunch breaks.   They are the jungle explorers who can successfully navigate to the other side, safe from animals and disease. These are the people that make/invent the things that push civilization forward.  People like Leonardo da Vinci and Nicola Tesla.  For the rest of us mere mortals, gleaning a deep understanding of something takes work and time.   Time we don’t generally have.  Another problem?  Many of us have too much pride to ask those individuals that already have the knowledge we need to share it with us.   It’s hard for us to make progress as individuals, much less move forward and take a bunch of people with us. You know who you are!   You are the man that refuses to ask for directions and gets lost, because navigating from point A to point B seemed like such an easy task at the beginning of the road trip (Thank goodness for GPS!).  You are the person out there quietly struggling to pay the bills and building up a savings account because you were never taught how in school and never sought out the advice of someone who has it all figured out.   You know how your favorite southern couple feels about that!  Swallow that pride!  Find somebody who is “smarter” than you and ask them to share their knowledge.   Odds are, they will happily do so, and you won’t have to reinvent the wheel.   Find someone who is already doing what you want to do yourself, be it find that boutique or thrift store across town, balance that budget, or solve that physics equation! 

You don’t have to go through life without help.  Nobody does.  There are scads of things out there to help you along, some are free and some aren’t, but they are all there for you.  But you have to take the first step.  You have to ask for help, before it is given to you!

• No one’s perfect – This shouldn’t even have to be said, since we should all already know this, but too often we do not.  We know that we aren’t perfect, but don’t extend this logic to our friends, loved ones and other acquaintances.  We should though, because holding people to a standard of perfect is only setting you up for disappointment.  Try to remember that the people in your life are trying…and you should try too!
• “Events reveal people’s characters;they don’t determine them” – This should be something that we all remember.  If your friend does something hurtful to you because of a bad situation they find themselves in, they were likely to do it anyway…it was not the situation that created the attitude, the attitude merely came out during the situation.  The event doesn’t matter.  “You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die”.
• Love and family are hard, you can’t fake feelings forever - Be honest with those you love.  Keeping relationships strong through decades is a lot harder than you might think it is, and dishonesty will only breed contempt.  Share your thoughts and feelings with friends and loved ones, even when it is hard. 
• Keep your eye on the prize – Never lose sight of your goals and aspirations.  I know that in this instant gratification, have it now world, it’s easy to lose sight of your own feet in front of you, but the dream is part of you, and you shouldn’t give up on it or forget about it.  I don’t care if your dream is to be President of the United States, or to be the loving housewife and mother of a wonderful husband and 2 great children…never forget that dream, and, as Winston Churchill said, never give in.

I have a friend that I have known for 17 years, and for 6-7 of those years, we did not speak.  This friend and I were inseparable throughout several of our high school years, and only drifted slightly when I moved away.  A few years ago, the blow up was partially their fault, and partially mine.  This friend did something in very bad taste, and I, not realizing it was a cry for help, did not help them, but instead, sent them away.  Flash forward to this year…this friend contacted me, and after years to think about what we’d both done wrong, I felt it was a good idea to try again.  And I’m glad I did.  It might not be just like old times, since we live a couple hours apart, but it’s easy again…the way a close friendship should be.  This is not to say that we don’t all have friends who are, as another friend of mine likes to call them, “small-dosers”, i.e. friends you can only be around for a limited time so they don’t drive you crazy.  We all have those friends, but the closest friends shouldn’t be hard to be around, and thankfully, for me and my friend, it isn’t.

Do you have a friend that you’ve lost touch with for this type of reason?  Do you think about them often, wishing there was a way to get things back to better times?  Do you think that they’re character is good and they are worth a second chance, or the extra effort?  If so, make that effort.  If they contact you, go slowly, but learn to forgive and forget.  Forgiveness is one of the things that makes us human, and I like to try it when I can.  This doesn’t mean it will always work.  Sometimes, a person’s character is lost forever, or they have hurt you so badly that you cannot imagine ever forgiving them, or they weren’t a good enough friend in the first place to merit forgiveness, since you didn’t care to be around them anyway.  The dilemma and decision are yours to make.  Just remember that if you thought them worth “best friend” status before, keep that in mind if they offer an olive branch.

Throughout the years, people have made fun of the guy who carries his woman’s purse.  Heck, Brad Paisley even wrote a song about it!   Now, I know that something as small as carrying her purse is not indicative of lasting 50 years, but it does reveal a characteristic that, in my opinion, does relate to a lasting relationship…consideration.  Being considerate of your partner, and their feelings, is vital to a relationship.  It shows that without their request, you’re willing to help them, it reveals a deeper connection between you both and a desire to put your partners feelings before your own.  And as you all know, on this point, Jerrill and I do not waiver.  We put each other’s feelings ahead of our own.  Not out of obligation, but out of love and respect.  And while it might not work for everyone, it works pretty well for us!  Do we have our moments?  Sure, nobody’s perfect, and everyone has their moments where they don’t think.  But the effort is what counts. 

So, here is your homework.  Look at your own relationship.  Do you think you’re a considerate partner?  Can you name examples?    If you can, great.  If not, perhaps you should try and incorporate a couple of new ideas into your relationship. 

Just a little food for thought!  But you know, a strong bond between partners can help you get through the upcoming holidays, amongst other things!

Basically, the jist of the 10,000 hour rule is that the author’s research shows that it’s rare for a person to get to the top of their game in their chosen field without putting in at least 10,000 hours of preparation. 

Raw talent is apparently not as important as the time you devote to your passion…to that thing you do better than everyone else.  No matter who you are and where you came from, no one gets to the top without the 10,000 hours.  And, supposing you want to get to the top of your field, that means you’ve got to WORK!  In a 40 hour work week, you can finish those 10,000 hours in 5 years.  If you’re doing a part time job at 20 hours a week, that’s 10 years.  If you’re working 60 hours a week, that means you’ll finish in 2 1/2 years, but it also means you don’t have a work-life balance, and I can’t agree with that! 

Where are you putting your hours in?  Are you putting effort in the areas of your life that matter the most, or are you leaving work, coming home and turning into a couch potato?  I truly hope you’re not ignoring your family in exchange for mindless channel surfing.  And hey, if the area of your life that matters most, that you want to be excellent at is your relationship with your partner, I’m totally cool with that!  So long as you are putting in the hours and are excellent at something you love, your favorite southern couple is behind you!

Showing your appreciation to your partner doesn’t just let them know you care, it also shows them respect, and respect is a necessary component of a relationship.  Why do I think these actions are so important?  Because when you love somebody, you shouldn’t be focused on yourself all the time.  Yes, it’s important that you have “me time” where you take care of yourself, but it’s just as important that you let you partner know how you feel.  And I’m not just talking about women here…men need to know these things too!  

You might not agree, and that’s ok.  I’m simply sharing what works for your favorite southern couple!  It’s our opinion that a function of a great couple is that both partners are willing to give up everything for the other, and that the other wouldn’t dare take everything from them.  Good luck in showing your appreciation!

Questions or comments?  Feel free to leave a comment, or ask a question about relationships!  I’ll try to answer it to the best of my ability!

The first website is called The Breast Cancer Site.  It is an interesting way to help those in need, but basically, you click the button (you can click once a day) and after a certain number of clicks (roughly 45,000) it donates a free mammogram to women in need across the country.  It is a for profit business, but is also supported by corporate sponsorship, so check it out and click the button, since you could save a life with that click.  Think it’s too good to be true?  Verify it here!

Another website is called liv.com.  It is a breast cancer awareness website that lists resources for women to get free or low cost mammograms.  The United States Center for Disease Control’s National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (NBCCEDP) is one resource you can use to get access to these low cost of free screenings.  Check out their website here.  Other websites listed on liv.com offering help to get screened on the cheap are The National Cancer Institute (supported by the U.S. Government), the American Cancer Society (the blue box in the middle right of the page “Find ACS in Your Community” is where you want to go.  You’ll need your zip code.  They can tell you what resources are available in your area.) and The American Breast Cancer Foundation’s Key to Life Breast Cancer Screening Assistance Program.  This last resource doesn’t have a website, but you can call them at 877-539-2543 to enroll in their program which provides financial assistance to uninsured and underinsured women and men for breast cancer testing.  If none of these suit your needs, call your local hospital and ask to speak to a social worker.  They are the hospital contact that will be aware of any free or low cost mammogram/cancer screenings in your area. 

Breast cancer won’t go away on it’s own.  The faster they catch it, the better your chances.  If my mom hadn’t been diligent in her screenings, I might have lost her, and that isn’t something I like to think about.  So you’re busy with kids and career.  It doesn’t matter, because you have to take care of yourself, no matter what is going on!  Think about it…if you don’t take care of yourself, who will take care of your priorities (kids etc.) when you’re gone?

In general, men and women shop differently.  Men go into a store, go straight to the item they want to buy, and buy it.  Sometimes, they haggle for a deal, sometimes they don’t.  Once they make up their mind that they want something, often, they will buy it “on the spot” .   Most women do not shop this way.   When we go to the mall, we feel the need to hit every store in the joint to find the best deal.  But make no mistake, we will find the best deal!  We will hunt, dig and search through the entire building for what we want at the price we want.   Where  do we come together on this?  The women usually find  the deal and the men go close the deal/pick it up!  There are those couples (us included) that are able to shop together.  For our frequent readers, it will not surprise you that we have a system.  We alternate between stores that he wants to check out and stores I want to check out.  This way, we both are happy with the day’s activities!   If you can’t shop with your partner, that’s o.k.  Figure out a system that works for you and your spouse and go with it!

We’re different on savings too!  We women, being the emotional creatures we are, we like…security.  We like to have some savings, an emergency fund, in the bank.  Savings for a rainy day, a sunny day or any other day that a problem comes up.  It makes us a lot more comfortable as we go about our daily lives.  Men, on the other hand, like to be a little more risky.  They feel confident in their investments, even if those are in coffee bean futures or comic books (although some comics are worth quite a bit).  They don’t feel the need to have a “safety net” in the bank, and don’t understand why it’s so important to us.  Well, I’ve got news for all the men out there… just do the emergency fund.  It will make your life happier, because it will make your wife happier!  How did we solve this one?  We have an emergency fund. 

It’s our suggestion that you sit down and discuss your spending and saving habits.  Figure out what works and what doesn’t.  Communicate.  You’ve heard it a thousand times for a reason… it works!  It’s the backbone of our relationship, and you should make it a part of yours.  No couple can truly be happy with their financial situation if they don’t agree on how they do their finances.  Talk about yours now, so that money problems don’t become a part of your future!

• Can You Plan Spontaneity - This is a recent post, but it’s a good one, and it’s one of our trademark tips for a successful lifestyle .  The post outlines how we have built spontaneity into our budget (which works quite well, I assure you), achieving both spontaneity (to have a little mystery about special outings, gifts etc.) and budget restraint (so you have so money to retire on one day).
• YOU are an emotional piggy bank -   This post has generated a lotof talk of the last few weeks.   You are an emotional piggy bank, taking in deposits and doling out payments from other people.  Just like a bank account or a piggy bank, you need to have more deposits coming in than payments going out for the system (i.e. you) to function.  People that drain too much from you, drain you, and you should spend time with them sparingly, if at all.  This, of course, is opposed to emotional boosts, who make lotsof deposits into your piggy bank.  You should spend as much time as possible around these special people.
• Never forget where you started… - This post is a reminder of why you got married or into a relationship with your spouse/significant other, and some tips on how to make it work better or keep it working wonderfully!
• Why your friends are costing you money, and what you can do to stop it! - This post is all about being friends with people who have a larger income than you and ways to avoid the pressure of spending too much money, or spending money that you don’t have when you hang out/spend time with them!
•   So, going to the gym is like budgeting my finances? - This post draws parallels between going to the gym and budgeting your finances.  Not only are there insights into better ways to budget your money, but there are also a few tips on going to the gym!  You can’t beat that!

So, those are the blog posts that we’d like for you to go back and take a second look at!  Hopefully, you will find some information that helps you along in your life, or reaffirms what you already have in practice!

“clips episode” of previous posts that are “must reads”

We’ve all seen the T.V. shows where a child comes into a room and asks his father to go to a friend’s house, and the father says “no”. The child then goes to his mother and asks her the same question, to which she replies “sure”. This couple is not united, but they should be. Always backing up your spouse when interacting with your children will keep the confusion of the day (week, month etc.) to a minimum and will teach the child that they cannot “divide and conquer” their parents.

Being united when you are dealing with life’s other problems, like a friend who betrays you, a jerk behind a counter who tries to assert their “authority” or a family member who tries to come between you demonstrates your strength in tough situations and discourages the individual from these actions in the future. Staying positive, and giving and drawing strength from one another is what it’s all about…but in the end, it’s also nice to know that there is someone who loves you above all others, who “has your back” no matter what.

Something to remember the next time “friend drama” starts to come between you and your spouse, or your child tries to con his/her way into a new toy using the “divide and conquer” technique!

So today, I decided to make a point of telling you that working together is not only for times of crisis, but for every day, in every action. This will prepare you better for those times when the unexpected occurs. When you need to decide who is picking up the kids, there should be no drama. You both are responsible for them, so if one of you can’t do it, the other should, not because you have to, but because you want to help out, and work together. If you are trying to work on your household budget, and there isn’t enough money to go around, you shouldn’t refuse to give up your $6 a day coffee habit, or your mani/pedi’s, while your partner gives up every indulgence they have. You want to succeed together, you might have to make some sacrifices. These (and countless others) are every day occurrences where you can build up the skills that you can use in a crisis.

One crisis, for example, that a lot of people are going through right now is a job loss. If you or your partner have lost a job, you definitely quailify as being in a crisis! Now, are you working together? Are you sitting down together, deciding which activities can be cut out of your lives? Are you deciding which items in you budget can be scaled back or removed all together, until you are back on your feet? Or, are you blaming the partner who lost their job, feeling resentful of the burden they placed on you? If you are the latter, then this is your wake-up call! They did not lose their job because they wanted to, I assure you! Get rid of the negative feelings and decide that you are a team, and do whatever it takes TOGETHER to get through the tough times!

There are, of course, those people who get paid enough at their jobs that they don’t have to work with their spouse because they can pay for/hire out whatever they need. But keep in mind, if they stopped, and took the time from their busy life to notice, they would see just how unhappy life is, when you live with someone with whom you don’t communicate, work with or respect.

• Miscommunications – In my opinion, communication is the number one, absolutely most important part of any marriage, period. Why is that? Because MIScommunications are a major cause of arguements. Think about it. Your spouse says something to you and it sounds hateful. Instead of being hateful back to them, ask them if anything is wrong! You do love them, remember? Maybe you said something to hurt their feelings. Maybe they had a tough day at work. Whatever the case, they love you too, and wouldn’t be snapping at you without a reason! They are MIS-communicating their feelings, and you are about to “stir the pot”! Instead, sit down as a couple and discuss what happened. If you hurt their feelings, apologize! Not an unfeeling “oh, I’M sorry YOUR feelings are hurt” apology, but a “wow, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings…I didn’t mean to do that” kind of apology. I mean, you didn’t intend to hurt their feelings, did you? Did they have a bad day at work? Ask them to tell you about it, which helps relieve their stress. At the end, if the comment they made to you was hurtful, tell them so, and ask them to be careful in letting their work affect how they speak to you. The more you communicate, the better you will understand each other!
• Don’t Yell! – In a related topic, why are you yelling at each other? Are you not capable of controlling your anger? Do you not have to control yourself at work when you’re angry? So why do you think you should yell at home? Yelling at someone demonstrates that you can’t logically discuss a problem and tells them that all you care about is “winning” the arguement…let me tell you a secret…you can’t win an arguement by yelling, all you do is make the other person decide it isn’t worth the effort to try to communicate with you. That isn’t a win…it’s a failed relationship, because if they give up on communicating with you, the 2 of you will not last as a couple!
• You both have a veto – In my house, we put bills/laws up to be passed or vetoed, just like the White House. For example, if I want chicken and he wants pasta, he can veto my chicken and suggest pasta. If he wants a big screen TV, I can veto it. If I want to move to Alabama, he can veto that. This goes on til we agree. It’s not important what the final decision is, but rather that we made it together and were both heard in the process.
• Don’t forget to show respect – This is a problem that a lot of marriages have. We tend to focus on oursleves and what we are doing for the family so much that we forget to show respect for our partner. You should treat you spouse as though they are the most important person/thing in your life, because, frankly, they should be.
• You both have to be on the same plan – It doesn’t matter what plan you’re on (although I could suggest a couple) as long as you’re on the same plan! If one of you isn’t ready for children, the other should not be decorating a nursery! Working together (are you seeing the trend) and following a plan to acheive your goals works so much better than 2 people trying to acheive their own goals separately, but in the same house. Your actions will affect the other persons life! I’m likely to offend some people here, but I beleive that when you become “man and wife” you become one. That means no his and hers, that means ours! Don’t try to define what belongs to whom and who pays what bills! And things like separate checking accounts only promote division in the marriage!
• Ackknowledge each others efforts/accomplishments – Last time I checked, it feels good to be praised, and everyone likes it. So then, wouldn’t it stand to reason that when your spouse accomplishs something (even something small) you should praise them? And don’t think you have to spend thousands of dollars to do so! The praise should be commiserate with the deed. It’s not what type of praise you’re giving, it’s the fact that you are giving praise!
• Your marriage is sacred, and your children need to know/see that - This is another topic that will likely upset some people, but in my house, the marriage comes first. I do not have children yet, but when I do (which will be soon), I plan to make sure that my children know that I love them with all my heart…but that mommy and daddys’ relationship comes before their plethora of extra cirricular activities. Date nights are a must. Family nights are a must. Mommy and daddy being in love and wanting to do things together teaches healthy relationships to the children, and I think we can all agree that children these days need examples of strong, loving relationships!

So, I say to never forget where you started…that happy in love, sweet, caring, respectful and appreciative couple you were in the beginning can continue to old age if you try! I am sure that I have left out other parts to a happy marriage, but this will get you started in the right direction! If you have specific questions, feel free to leave a comment!

Valentine’s Day is a very interesting holiday. Though not disliked by men as much as Sweetest Day (which we don’t celebrate, and I don’t even know it’s date), it is still a holiday that men feel passionately about, in a negative way. Now I should say not ALL men dislike this holiday, but most do. Why?

Well, I’m no man, but I have a few ideas. I imagine the 2 biggest complaints are the money that they feel they have to spend (afraid to mess up the budget), and the romance they feel they have to show. Let’s look at the 2 separately, and what your favorite Southern Couple does to celebrate the big day.

The money. Well, sorry fellas, but yes, women do like presents. Hate to burst your bubble. Now for the good news…unless your woman is the type to covet only the best and is all consumed with the price tag (and unfortunately, there are women out there like that) then the present doesn’t really have to cost anything. Women consider all sorts of things gifts that most men never think about. Some examples would be: a back massage from her man (free), breakfast in bed (food cost), homemade card (cost of materials), cleaning the house for us (free), watching the kids while we take a bubble bath or go out with girlfriends (free), making a craft to show your love (cost of materials), take us on a picnic (in the south, outdoors, in the north, in your bedroom), watch our favorite chick flick with us (free), make us dinner (food cost) etc. ANY of these gifts would be well received by a girlfriend/wife. Flowers and chocolates?? Icing on the cake.

Now, for the men out there who don’t want to break their budget, all I have to say is…why isn’t Valentine’s Day already IN your budget? It does happen every year after all. If you want to cut down on your stress around this holiday, you should budget enough money to buy the items that you think you will continue to buy your significant other for your life. If that happens to only be a card, well, budget $5. If you think dinner out, card, flowers and candy are on the agenda, set aside $100. If you want to do more than that, save more. If you combine your income, set aside some for her too. This isn’t rocket science, it just takes planning.

Alright, the second worry for men is that you won’t be romantic enough. Well, chances are you won’t be. Men should think about this a little. Most women plan their wedding day from their childhood, or watch soap operas (not me, eww yuck) or chick flicks etc. They have ideas about romance in their heads that have been there forever. You will probably NOT live up to that expectation. Accept your fate and MOVE ON. Once you accept this, the pressure of the holiday won’t be there, and you will be more pleasant on the big day. A man who is more pleasant on Valentine’s Day makes the whole day more pleasant, and maybe even romantic, because everyone is RELAXED.

Another little known fact about romance. Most women realize you won’t be as romantic as our daydreams (which is a shame, but we move on) and are used to men not being romantic at all. Therefore, ANY romance you show will make us happy. Extra kisses or hugs (or both) before you go off to work, coming home and intentionally asking about our day (and listening to the answer), and opening up doors for us (chivalry) are all good examples of romance.

This Southern Couple has come up with a solution that works in our life. I plan out the activities and romance for Valentine’s Day, and he plans out our wedding anniversary. This arrangement is great, because I have the opportunity to do for him what he really wants on Valentine’s Day, which takes the pressure to be romantic off of him and allows him to be sweet and romantic on a holiday he can really get excited about. I take him to the movies (double feature this year) and to dinner. I buy him a gift that is practical (what all men REALLY want). I set aside some money from the budget for a gift for me, and he takes me out and has me pick out a gift (he is terrified of picking things out for me…no clue why). Then, on our anniversary, in October, he goes all out and is totally sweet and romantic.

So, don’t break your budget for Valentine’s Day, but DO budget for it. Don’t freak out about what to get her or the prospect of romance, and just relax and be yourself (unless yourself is normally irritating, then be a little better than that)!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

In September of 08, we decided to put our house on the market and move…and as for me, I wanted to move across the country. I liked the idea of going further south too, since I absolutely abhor snowy roads. I don’t mind the cold (much) or the snow on the grass, but where there is pretty snow on grass, there is dangerous snow on the road!

Unfortunately, 2 days after we put the house on the market, the President came on the t.v. and announced that the economy was going to hades in a hand basket. Now, while Jerrill and I have known the economy was suffering for a while, it put a damper on our plans to find a different job in a different city. Lots of companies were cutting jobs and the like, and Jerrill’s job is in the security field, which is historically stable. So, what is a southern couple supposed to do?

We moved, but only from Georgetown to Lexington, and are now in a bigger house (to grow the family) that we got on a fantastic deal. As awful as it is, we sold high and bought low, and are no worse off then we were in the old house, and still have plans to pay this house off early.

We love the new house! It is cozy and an upgrade from the previous house, and I love the level yard and the chance to start fresh in a new flower bed!! It is the perfect size home to start our family, with INCREDIBLE storage, and we LOVE our new street and and our neighbors (at least the neighbors we have met). We are so happy to be living in Lexington! It is a wonderful city. The people are fantastic, and there is always something to do or someplace to go. And, with regards to that dangerous snow on the roads…the LFUCG cleans the roads very efficiently!

So, why the long hiatus? Basically, because moving and getting settled is time consuming (and we’re still not completly settled) and even more so when you move on November 7th, right before Thanksgiving and Christmas…but, hopefully, we won’t have to many more “bumps” in the blogging road!

Anyway, we are back to work on the first of many (I hope) Southern Couple Software, hopefully able to be released in beta testing within 2 months, so, keep checking back to see what’s up, and what’s new!