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Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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Valentine’s Day tips and ideas…

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

Much to the dismay of many men across the country, Valentine’s Day is this weekend and now is the time to start planning (earlier would have been good as well, but I’ll take what I can get).  So, say you want to do something for Valentine’s Day, but either can’t think of anything, or are on a tight budget…what do you do?

Well, if you are having trouble coming up with creative ideas, let me put your mind at ease that most women (not all of us, unfortunately…even though Valentine’s Day is OPTIONAL, some women expect the moon and more) are appreciative of anything you do.  So no matter what it is, the fact that you’ve done something is enough to make us happy.  That being said, if you want to get creative with the traditional Valentine’s Day ideas, to score some bonus  points, there are some great ways to do that.  For example:

  • The trifecta – Flowers, candy and jewelry.  We all like roses, but get creative and get some orchids or tulips (red or pink are probably best).  Candy is great unless she’s health conscious, so either get her favorite chocolates (they don’t have to be expensive, just her favorite) or try something a little more healthy, like her favorite fruits or nuts (the expensive ones that she won’t buy herself).  Jewelry is a personal thing, but as long as you know which color is her favorite (yellow or white gold) and which type of jewelry (bracelet, earrings or necklace) you should be fine.  No matter what you choose, be sure to get creative and hide the box where it will surprise her.
  • Dinner and a movie- This is a great gift for the significant other that doesn’t get to go out much.  The dinner should be to a nice place (where she can get dressed up, if she likes that sort of thing) and the movie should be her favorite (yes, that could mean chick flick, but come on, it’s only once a year, I know you’re man enough to live through it).
  • Cultural – If your girl likes a little culture, a trip to the theater or a museum might suit her.  Take her to her favorite cultural outing, or to a new place (or show) she hasn’t been to yet.

If  you’re on a tight budget, some of these things can sound out of your reach.  Don’t worry!  These are ways to be sweet to your significant other while watching your pennies too!  Here are some examples of the above ideas, on a budget:

  •  The trifecta – Flowers, candy and jewelry.  Flowers on a budget at Valentine’s Day isn’t too bad.  You can get them at a discount store, like Costco or Sam’s Club/Wal-Mart, the price will be what you like.  Also, it pays to buy them a week early and give them to her then, since the price will be lower (unfortunate, but yes, the florists jack-up the prices on Valentine’s Day).  Candy is easy on a budget…instead of opting for an expensive box of chocolates, bake her a delicious dessert.  This satisfies her sweet tooth, saves money and scores you points for effort!  Jewelry is easier than you think on a budget.  Most women like “costume” or “fashion” jewelry, so find out her favorite costume jewelry designer, and, if it’s in your budget, get some.  Not in your budget?  Opt for something personal, like her favorite movie on DVD, with a bag of popcorn and a note about having a movie night, or a professional massage (check your local massage school, since they often offer these services at a fraction of the cost…or, give her the massage yourself!).
  • Dinner and a movie – If she likes to go out, do a dinner out, but scale back and take her to a moderately priced place.  Otherwise, cook for her.  You can buy the ingredients to make a fancy dinner at a fraction of the cost of that same dinner out.  Set the table for a formal dinner, with full silverware, linen napkins and candles.  Inform her that she should “dress” for dinner, and be dressed up yourself, since it will make the experience more memorable.  The movie can be watched at home (budget friendly), and if you want serious bonus points, a little dancing in the living room never hurt any man, I don’t care if you’ve heard rumors to the contrary!
  • Cultural – Well, museums are still priced right for the budget conscious this year, but the theater is out, so if the museum isn’t your thing, you could both go donate blood together, or do some community service work together.  Not in that kind of mood?  Well, find a safe but culturally different part of town, and go on a mini “tour”.  Walking, biking or driving, it’s up to you.  Just do something to make it memorable.

There you have it!  A few (and long winded) tips on ways to get creative or stay in budget for Valentine’s Day!  Good luck, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!

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No tip today…

Monday, January 25th, 2010

We have had a death in the family, and will not be posting a tip today.  Please check back Wednesday for a new post!  Thank you for reading!

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Why men should (but don’t) ask for directions…

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Jerrill had a very interesting point this week, and we wanted to share it with our readers.  It’s not that people don’t know this, at least at some level, it’s just that we either forget it, or don’t want to swallow our pride and undertake it…the “it”, is asking for directions.

There are very few people out there who can make intuitive leaps of greater understanding out of scarce information.   You know, the people who excel in an area in spite of all surroundings and obstacles.  These are the “genius janitors” out there, solving quantum physics equations on their lunch breaks.   They are the jungle explorers who can successfully navigate to the other side, safe from animals and disease. These are the people that make/invent the things that push civilization forward.  People like Leonardo da Vinci and Nicola Tesla.  For the rest of us mere mortals, gleaning a deep understanding of something takes work and time.   Time we don’t generally have.  Another problem?  Many of us have too much pride to ask those individuals that already have the knowledge we need to share it with us.   It’s hard for us to make progress as individuals, much less move forward and take a bunch of people with us. You know who you are!   You are the man that refuses to ask for directions and gets lost, because navigating from point A to point B seemed like such an easy task at the beginning of the road trip (Thank goodness for GPS!).  You are the person out there quietly struggling to pay the bills and building up a savings account because you were never taught how in school and never sought out the advice of someone who has it all figured out.   You know how your favorite southern couple feels about that!  Swallow that pride!  Find somebody who is “smarter” than you and ask them to share their knowledge.   Odds are, they will happily do so, and you won’t have to reinvent the wheel.   Find someone who is already doing what you want to do yourself, be it find that boutique or thrift store across town, balance that budget, or solve that physics equation! 

You don’t have to go through life without help.  Nobody does.  There are scads of things out there to help you along, some are free and some aren’t, but they are all there for you.  But you have to take the first step.  You have to ask for help, before it is given to you!

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Happy New Year 2010!

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Happy New Year 2010!  Enjoy the day with your friends and family, or recover quickly!

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Merry Christmas 2009!

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Merry Christmas.  Go spend time with your family, as we will be having family time as well.

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Some food for thought!

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Today I just wanted to share a few insights that I ran across while researching other topics for this past Friday.  Since we are heading into Christmas and millions of us will be going home for the holiday, I thought it a good idea for us to be reflective and introspective…now is as good a time as any for personal and familial growth.

  • No one’s perfect – This shouldn’t even have to be said, since we should all already know this, but too often we do not.  We know that we aren’t perfect, but don’t extend this logic to our friends, loved ones and other acquaintances.  We should though, because holding people to a standard of perfect is only setting you up for disappointment.  Try to remember that the people in your life are trying…and you should try too!
  • “Events reveal people’s characters;they don’t determine them” – This should be something that we all remember.  If your friend does something hurtful to you because of a bad situation they find themselves in, they were likely to do it anyway…it was not the situation that created the attitude, the attitude merely came out during the situation.  The event doesn’t matter.  “You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die”.
  • Love and family are hard, you can’t fake feelings forever - Be honest with those you love.  Keeping relationships strong through decades is a lot harder than you might think it is, and dishonesty will only breed contempt.  Share your thoughts and feelings with friends and loved ones, even when it is hard. 
  • Keep your eye on the prize – Never lose sight of your goals and aspirations.  I know that in this instant gratification, have it now world, it’s easy to lose sight of your own feet in front of you, but the dream is part of you, and you shouldn’t give up on it or forget about it.  I don’t care if your dream is to be President of the United States, or to be the loving housewife and mother of a wonderful husband and 2 great children…never forget that dream, and, as Winston Churchill said, never give in.

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Why forgiveness is important.

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

As some of you might remember, a few months ago I wrote the post YOU are an emotional piggy bank, where I talked about your emotional piggy bank, and how it should be filled by emotional boosts and not emotional drains.  Some of you might be tempted to think that that post and today’s post conflict, but they do not.   Forgiveness is applied when someone has wronged you (generally), and it is your choice as to whether or not you can accept what they’ve done and move on (an apology goes a long way, as we all know, but it doesn’t always happen that way).

I have a friend that I have known for 17 years, and for 6-7 of those years, we did not speak.  This friend and I were inseparable throughout several of our high school years, and only drifted slightly when I moved away.  A few years ago, the blow up was partially their fault, and partially mine.  This friend did something in very bad taste, and I, not realizing it was a cry for help, did not help them, but instead, sent them away.  Flash forward to this year…this friend contacted me, and after years to think about what we’d both done wrong, I felt it was a good idea to try again.  And I’m glad I did.  It might not be just like old times, since we live a couple hours apart, but it’s easy again…the way a close friendship should be.  This is not to say that we don’t all have friends who are, as another friend of mine likes to call them, “small-dosers”, i.e. friends you can only be around for a limited time so they don’t drive you crazy.  We all have those friends, but the closest friends shouldn’t be hard to be around, and thankfully, for me and my friend, it isn’t.

Do you have a friend that you’ve lost touch with for this type of reason?  Do you think about them often, wishing there was a way to get things back to better times?  Do you think that they’re character is good and they are worth a second chance, or the extra effort?  If so, make that effort.  If they contact you, go slowly, but learn to forgive and forget.  Forgiveness is one of the things that makes us human, and I like to try it when I can.  This doesn’t mean it will always work.  Sometimes, a person’s character is lost forever, or they have hurt you so badly that you cannot imagine ever forgiving them, or they weren’t a good enough friend in the first place to merit forgiveness, since you didn’t care to be around them anyway.  The dilemma and decision are yours to make.  Just remember that if you thought them worth “best friend” status before, keep that in mind if they offer an olive branch.

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Good things come from carrying her purse!

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

This past weekend, your favorite southern couple went out with some friends Saturday night to one of our favorite local Cajun joints.  The food, and company, was, as always, fantastic.  After a couple hours of eating and gabbing, we decided to come back to our place for games and more laughs.  As we were leaving, I noticed that our friend Brad was not only refilling Jodi’s drink, but was also holding her purse, as she was indisposed.  Now, it’s not the first time I thought this, but that’s when it hit me…these 2 are great for each other! 

Throughout the years, people have made fun of the guy who carries his woman’s purse.  Heck, Brad Paisley even wrote a song about it!   Now, I know that something as small as carrying her purse is not indicative of lasting 50 years, but it does reveal a characteristic that, in my opinion, does relate to a lasting relationship…consideration.  Being considerate of your partner, and their feelings, is vital to a relationship.  It shows that without their request, you’re willing to help them, it reveals a deeper connection between you both and a desire to put your partners feelings before your own.  And as you all know, on this point, Jerrill and I do not waiver.  We put each other’s feelings ahead of our own.  Not out of obligation, but out of love and respect.  And while it might not work for everyone, it works pretty well for us!  Do we have our moments?  Sure, nobody’s perfect, and everyone has their moments where they don’t think.  But the effort is what counts. 

So, here is your homework.  Look at your own relationship.  Do you think you’re a considerate partner?  Can you name examples?    If you can, great.  If not, perhaps you should try and incorporate a couple of new ideas into your relationship. 

Just a little food for thought!  But you know, a strong bond between partners can help you get through the upcoming holidays, amongst other things!

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Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule!

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Today’s post is based on a blog post by Dan Miller, author of 48 Days to the Work You Love.  On October 12th, he wrote about a chapter in the new book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, called the 10,000 hours rule.  Are you intrigued? You should be!  Find the original blog post here.

Basically, the jist of the 10,000 hour rule is that the author’s research shows that it’s rare for a person to get to the top of their game in their chosen field without putting in at least 10,000 hours of preparation. 

Raw talent is apparently not as important as the time you devote to your passion…to that thing you do better than everyone else.  No matter who you are and where you came from, no one gets to the top without the 10,000 hours.  And, supposing you want to get to the top of your field, that means you’ve got to WORK!  In a 40 hour work week, you can finish those 10,000 hours in 5 years.  If you’re doing a part time job at 20 hours a week, that’s 10 years.  If you’re working 60 hours a week, that means you’ll finish in 2 1/2 years, but it also means you don’t have a work-life balance, and I can’t agree with that! 

Where are you putting your hours in?  Are you putting effort in the areas of your life that matter the most, or are you leaving work, coming home and turning into a couch potato?  I truly hope you’re not ignoring your family in exchange for mindless channel surfing.  And hey, if the area of your life that matters most, that you want to be excellent at is your relationship with your partner, I’m totally cool with that!  So long as you are putting in the hours and are excellent at something you love, your favorite southern couple is behind you!

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