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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

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Sanity and working together…

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

There are many differences between good strong relationships and relationships that struggle.  We have discussed some of them in the past, but another characteristic of a strong relationship is working together.  When you work together as a couple, it keeps you sane, especially when you have a burden on your relationship. 

In our case, a new baby in the house is definitely a strain on our sanity as first time parents.  There are bottles to be made and diapers to be changed, all while the baby is crying.  It’s a lot on the nerves.  The only way to make it through, that I can see anyway, is to work together.  When you share the responsibilities you are not only showing respect to your partner, but you are directly impacting their stress level in a positive way.  This keeps the blood pressure low and, if your lucky, keeps the sleep deprivation to a minimum, haha. 

Identify the stressers in your relationship.  Sit down and discuss them together, and see if you can agree on a method to work together and remove the stress.  Show each other the love and respect that you felt for each other when you got married.  That is how love and respect grow throughout the years.  I love and respect Jerrill more everyday.  And the love and respect I show him, he shows to me as well, and that, people, helps you keep your sanity when you have a million things to do and no time to do it in.

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Paying attention to your family…

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Yesterday, my beloved sent me an article about a family that is so attached to their “tech” (AKA their gadgets, like phones, MP3 players, laptops, video games etc.) that they spend time with each other without spending time with each other.  They have so many distractions that they can’t function as a normal family.  The 2nd grader has her own laptop!  It’s ridiculous! 

I have always been opposed to the excessive use of tech, especially when you are supposed to be focused on your family.  The fact is, there are times when it’s OK to tech binge, and there are times when it’s not.  Children should not have these tech things that can distract them from their family, and the parents shouldn’t set a bad example by using their gadgets all the time either.  There have been numerous studies that prove that multi-tasking is only possible for 3% of the population without the loss of quality.  With that fact in mind, what do you think happens to the quality of family time when each member of the family has a gadget in their hands and in their face?  Obviously, the quality goes down!

Am I saying that people shouldn’t ever use the tech they have?  No, of course not.  But when “family time” is really family time, it’s probably a good idea to put the tech away for the duration.  For example, when we go on vacation, we heavily limit our use of our tech.  We take our laptop with us to be able to stream music or play it from our music library while we are hanging out at the condo/hotel room.  We take our camera for pictures and the OCCASIONAL video (I’m not a big video fan since I sound every bit the hillbilly that I am :-D ).  We take the GPS to get us there safely, and our cell phones in case of emergency.  We DO NOT use the cell phones while on vacation, with the exception of the phone call made to family informing them of our safe arrival.  We limit the tech because while on vacation, there are PLENTY of other things to do and we should focus on each other, not the world around us.

Think about your household (or, like our example, your vacation).  Do you spend too much time in front of the computer?  Your gaming system?  Your smart phone?  Does your significant other have to ask you the same question 4 times before you hear them?  Have you been caught up in something on the Internet andnot heard your child call to you, or, like the article, have you forgot to pick your child up from school (etc.) because you were too engrossed in something online?  If you struggle to find the time for your family because of your gadgets, I would suggest limiting your time on them, and limiting how much your children see you on them.  If they see you do it, they will also do it, and teaching a child how to ignore their future family isn’t exactly a great life lesson.

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Words of wisdom for the new graduate!

Friday, May 21st, 2010

I found a very interesting article on CNNMoney.com today, featuring some practical and funny advice for those  people graduating from school (whether that be high school, trade school or college).  The article, titled 3 things to tell a new graduate, lists the following bits of advice, in no particular order (at least, I hope it’s not in order):

  • With regard to your career, the author suggests that you heed your enemies.  The logic behind this advice is that the people you have trouble with are generally those people that have the greatest insight into you and your attitudes and faults.  What these people have to say will help you improve as a worker/entrepreneur…if you only take the time to listen.
  • With regard to the stock market, buy and hold your funds.  The author and I agree on this…people think that they can beat the stock market, but in reality, almost no one can (and you are probably not the exception).  If you buy funds and then keep them over the long run, you’re more likely to make money, at the very least thanks in part to the ability to avoid taxes and other fees.
  • Don’t be a fool with regard to your love life.   When lovers quarrel, each has the blame around 50% of the time.  Understanding this fact will help you build the kind of relationship that isn’t as susceptible to a divorce.  And as all of us know, either from personal experience or the experience of a friend or loved one, divorce sucks.  We don’t want it and should avoid it at all costs (both financially and emotionally). 

That’s it.  3 very simple little lessons that might save you a lot of headache or heartache as your graduate enters the post high school, trade school or college life that they have worked so hard to achieve.

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Don’t forget to say please and thank you!

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

One of the great ways to give your relationship and the emotional piggy bank (read more about this here) of your significant other a boost is to remember what you learned in elementary school.  For example, saying please and thank you.  It’s not much, but this little showing of respect and love is a huge boost to your emotional piggy bank that makes you feel better.  Why does it make you feel better?  Because it shows respect and appreciation.

Now, I am quite positive that most of us have heard people say that communication is the key to a good relationship.  Well, that statement is not only inaccurate, seeing as it has to be GOOD communication to be worthwhile, but it also leaves out a couple of other very important parts of a healthy relationship: Respect and appreciation.  Although we all know that respect and appreciation are important, we are all generally so self-centric that we only focus on when we aren’t receiving them.  And what I have to say to you is this: Why?  Why do you think that your partner should show you respect and appreciation if you aren’t showing them that same respect?  It isn’t a one way sort of thing!  It’s just like saying please and thank you!  You should WANT to show respect and appreciation to the person that you love, just as much as you want to receive it.  I don’t wake up in the morning wondering what ways my husband can show me his love, respect and appreciation!  I wake up wondering what ways I can show him my love respect and appreciation! 

Here’s the short and tall of it:  You can communicate until you’re blue in the face, but if that communication (or any other part of the relationship) doesn’t include respect and appreciation, then the relationship will suffer.  Not sure how to get started??  How about saying please and thank you?  How about asking your partner if you can do anything for them?  That way, their emotional piggy bank fills up and overflows, making it easier on them to reciprocate!

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar??

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

What is your ultimate goal?  Your “Klondike Bar”, so to speak.  What would you do to accomplish that goal? 

No matter what your ultimate goal is, more than likely you need to plan for it!  Are you planning for this goal that you want to achieve?  Are you working toward it as I’m typing this?  If not, then how do you ever expect to achieve it? 

Planning out your life usually gets you just as excited as doing your taxes, but is just as necessary (don’t want the government coming after you, do you?) because it not only maps out what you need to do, but gives you a sense of purpose to work toward for your future.  Basically, you can’t reach your destination if you don’t have a map to go by.  So, what are some ways to plan for the future?

First, you need to brainstorm.  What is your goal?  What credentials or money do you need to achieve your goal (college, or capital to get started?)?  Is the place you live in a good place to work toward that goal, or is there another place better suited to the goal (i.e., marine biologists shouldn’t live in the desert).  What type of friend and family network do you need to make this goal a reality?  If your goal is for a certain career, are you sure that the career is suited to your personality (i.e. if you don’t like paying attention to details, accounting is probably not a good career path for you).  If your goal is to retire wealthy, have you written out a budget and figured out what percentage of your income you need to save in order to do so (the money isn’t just going to appear, and social security, if it’s still around, definitely won’t let you live “comfortably”). 

Once you have brainstormed and figured out all the things necessary to achieve the goal, then you put them in chronological order or order of necessity, whichever seems to make more sense for your particular needs.  Now, you have a map.  Start at the top of the list and work at it, one item at a time.  For example, if the first thing you need is an education, then that is where you start.  Use the same process of identifying how to achieve each item on your list, as you did to make the list, and you not only have a plan/map to achieve your ultimate goal, but it should be easier to achieve it, because you aren’t scrambling to figure things out on the fly.

Don’t know what you want to do, or what your ultimate goal is in your life?  That’s ok.  Take time to figure it out.  If you bounce around for a few years longer than your friends, it’s OK.  It doesn’t make you inferior, it just means that your interests are too varied to settle on one thing at that point in your life.  However, once you do figure out your passion, take these steps to get a plan in action!

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Married Couples pay more under new health bill!

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Today’s article, from the Wall Street Journal, titled Married Couples Pay More Than Unmarried Under Health Bill, is obviously about the new health care bill.  Apparently, under the new bill, if a married couple doesn’t receive insurance from their employer, and instead chooses the public option, they will be out a lot more money than their unmarried (couples who live together and share bills but aren’t married) counterparts. 

The article looks at an unmarried couple who make a combined income of $50,000, and a married couple who make a combined income of $50,000.  The unmarried couple will pay only (yeah, only…ha ha) $3,076 a year under the House bill and $3,450 under the Senate bill.  If that couple decides to get married, they would have to pay $5,160 under the House bill and $5,100 under the Senate bill.  That’s a difference of between $2,084 and $1,650 respectively!  Just for deciding to get married.  The individuals that helped write the bill (democratic staff) acknowledged the existence of the penalty, but said that it couldn’t be fixed without creating other inequities.  To me, this seems like a pretty big penalty to be left in place, for fear that you would upset another group, or be unfair to others.  I mean, married couples are a pretty big group to upset!

The article has this quote from a Democratic Senate Finance Committee aide  - “The Finance Committee, along with other committees in the Senate, took pains to craft the most equitable overall structure possible, and that’s what we have here,”.  The MOST EQUITABLE bill.  So, they know it’s not fair for everyone, and one group that will pay will be married people!  This gives people an incentive to stay single.  Great!  Just what we need in this country!  A financial incentive to lose the institution of marriage.  As a country, we’re already doing things that would have been morally wrong just 20 years ago.  Gone on 2 dates with someone?  Ehh, that’s long enough to sleep together.  And we wonder why children in the 6th grade are experimenting with sex…could it be their role models?

I know that legal “mumbo jumbo” is the last thing any of us want to read or look into, but I think it’s important that we know what is and isn’t being approved with the new health care bill, especially since our politicians have a habit of sneaking in extra things when they pass a bill/law.  Be aware of your government!  Watch what they’re doing.  If you don’t, then when things don’t go your way, you have NO RIGHT to complain!

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Our State of the Union…

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

Last night, your favorite southern couple had our bi-annual “State of the Union” or “budget committee meeting”.  Basically, a time when we sit down and review our budget and re-vamp any budgeted items that are receiving too much money or not enough money.  Now, we talk about our budget line items that affect us on a weekly basis, on a weekly basis.  These are the things we do every week, like buy groceries and gas.  The bi-annual committee meeting is for the things we don’t look at all the time, like web hosting fees and legal fees etc. 

As I said above, we also go over our budget reports to understand what is being under-funded and what is being over-funded.  We look at EVERY budget item.  Last night, we had to increase the money funding our medical budget and our grocery budget (I swear the grocery stores just keep raising the prices!).  Now, you might be asking “how do you increase a line item?”, and the answer is simple; Something else has to be cut back.  We took the money from our monthly savings (grudgingly) to fund the additional money needed for the medical and grocery budget items.  What if you have no savings?  Then you have to cut back on another line item, like cable, telephone or Internet.  Is your budget so slim that you don’t have ANYextras?  Then you need to try cost cutting to bring your spending in line with your budgeted amount, or increase your income to cover the overages.  It’s simple math…your budget must be balanced!  If there aren’t enough funds, you must cut back, or make more!

Now I challenge you to have your own budget committee meeting (if you’re single, you still need to have the meeting with just yourself, or a friend/family member you trust to share this info with)!  Sit down and figure out how much you spent on all your expenses this last year!  How much did you go over? Under?  Do you even have a budget?  First things first, you need a budget.  Get out a pen and paper, and write down all of your expenses, in order of importance (1. housing, 2. food, 3. electricity etc.), then write down your income.  Assign amounts to each category.  If you run out of income before you reach the bottom, then you either need to cut back your expenses, or increase your income.  Did you reach the bottom with money to spare?  Great!  If you have debt, use the money to pay it off, if not, start saving an emergency fund for 3-6 months worth of expenses, and after that, for retirement! 

It’s our opinion that money works for you and not against you if you watch it like a hawk.  Don’t give yourself the opportunity to mess up!  Start this year off right, and take your budget committee meeting to the kitchen table tonight!

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Merry Christmas 2009!

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Merry Christmas.  Go spend time with your family, as we will be having family time as well.

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Good things come from carrying her purse!

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

This past weekend, your favorite southern couple went out with some friends Saturday night to one of our favorite local Cajun joints.  The food, and company, was, as always, fantastic.  After a couple hours of eating and gabbing, we decided to come back to our place for games and more laughs.  As we were leaving, I noticed that our friend Brad was not only refilling Jodi’s drink, but was also holding her purse, as she was indisposed.  Now, it’s not the first time I thought this, but that’s when it hit me…these 2 are great for each other! 

Throughout the years, people have made fun of the guy who carries his woman’s purse.  Heck, Brad Paisley even wrote a song about it!   Now, I know that something as small as carrying her purse is not indicative of lasting 50 years, but it does reveal a characteristic that, in my opinion, does relate to a lasting relationship…consideration.  Being considerate of your partner, and their feelings, is vital to a relationship.  It shows that without their request, you’re willing to help them, it reveals a deeper connection between you both and a desire to put your partners feelings before your own.  And as you all know, on this point, Jerrill and I do not waiver.  We put each other’s feelings ahead of our own.  Not out of obligation, but out of love and respect.  And while it might not work for everyone, it works pretty well for us!  Do we have our moments?  Sure, nobody’s perfect, and everyone has their moments where they don’t think.  But the effort is what counts. 

So, here is your homework.  Look at your own relationship.  Do you think you’re a considerate partner?  Can you name examples?    If you can, great.  If not, perhaps you should try and incorporate a couple of new ideas into your relationship. 

Just a little food for thought!  But you know, a strong bond between partners can help you get through the upcoming holidays, amongst other things!

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