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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar??

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

What is your ultimate goal?  Your “Klondike Bar”, so to speak.  What would you do to accomplish that goal? 

No matter what your ultimate goal is, more than likely you need to plan for it!  Are you planning for this goal that you want to achieve?  Are you working toward it as I’m typing this?  If not, then how do you ever expect to achieve it? 

Planning out your life usually gets you just as excited as doing your taxes, but is just as necessary (don’t want the government coming after you, do you?) because it not only maps out what you need to do, but gives you a sense of purpose to work toward for your future.  Basically, you can’t reach your destination if you don’t have a map to go by.  So, what are some ways to plan for the future?

First, you need to brainstorm.  What is your goal?  What credentials or money do you need to achieve your goal (college, or capital to get started?)?  Is the place you live in a good place to work toward that goal, or is there another place better suited to the goal (i.e., marine biologists shouldn’t live in the desert).  What type of friend and family network do you need to make this goal a reality?  If your goal is for a certain career, are you sure that the career is suited to your personality (i.e. if you don’t like paying attention to details, accounting is probably not a good career path for you).  If your goal is to retire wealthy, have you written out a budget and figured out what percentage of your income you need to save in order to do so (the money isn’t just going to appear, and social security, if it’s still around, definitely won’t let you live “comfortably”). 

Once you have brainstormed and figured out all the things necessary to achieve the goal, then you put them in chronological order or order of necessity, whichever seems to make more sense for your particular needs.  Now, you have a map.  Start at the top of the list and work at it, one item at a time.  For example, if the first thing you need is an education, then that is where you start.  Use the same process of identifying how to achieve each item on your list, as you did to make the list, and you not only have a plan/map to achieve your ultimate goal, but it should be easier to achieve it, because you aren’t scrambling to figure things out on the fly.

Don’t know what you want to do, or what your ultimate goal is in your life?  That’s ok.  Take time to figure it out.  If you bounce around for a few years longer than your friends, it’s OK.  It doesn’t make you inferior, it just means that your interests are too varied to settle on one thing at that point in your life.  However, once you do figure out your passion, take these steps to get a plan in action!

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Married Couples pay more under new health bill!

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Today’s article, from the Wall Street Journal, titled Married Couples Pay More Than Unmarried Under Health Bill, is obviously about the new health care bill.  Apparently, under the new bill, if a married couple doesn’t receive insurance from their employer, and instead chooses the public option, they will be out a lot more money than their unmarried (couples who live together and share bills but aren’t married) counterparts. 

The article looks at an unmarried couple who make a combined income of $50,000, and a married couple who make a combined income of $50,000.  The unmarried couple will pay only (yeah, only…ha ha) $3,076 a year under the House bill and $3,450 under the Senate bill.  If that couple decides to get married, they would have to pay $5,160 under the House bill and $5,100 under the Senate bill.  That’s a difference of between $2,084 and $1,650 respectively!  Just for deciding to get married.  The individuals that helped write the bill (democratic staff) acknowledged the existence of the penalty, but said that it couldn’t be fixed without creating other inequities.  To me, this seems like a pretty big penalty to be left in place, for fear that you would upset another group, or be unfair to others.  I mean, married couples are a pretty big group to upset!

The article has this quote from a Democratic Senate Finance Committee aide  - “The Finance Committee, along with other committees in the Senate, took pains to craft the most equitable overall structure possible, and that’s what we have here,”.  The MOST EQUITABLE bill.  So, they know it’s not fair for everyone, and one group that will pay will be married people!  This gives people an incentive to stay single.  Great!  Just what we need in this country!  A financial incentive to lose the institution of marriage.  As a country, we’re already doing things that would have been morally wrong just 20 years ago.  Gone on 2 dates with someone?  Ehh, that’s long enough to sleep together.  And we wonder why children in the 6th grade are experimenting with sex…could it be their role models?

I know that legal “mumbo jumbo” is the last thing any of us want to read or look into, but I think it’s important that we know what is and isn’t being approved with the new health care bill, especially since our politicians have a habit of sneaking in extra things when they pass a bill/law.  Be aware of your government!  Watch what they’re doing.  If you don’t, then when things don’t go your way, you have NO RIGHT to complain!

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Our State of the Union…

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

Last night, your favorite southern couple had our bi-annual “State of the Union” or “budget committee meeting”.  Basically, a time when we sit down and review our budget and re-vamp any budgeted items that are receiving too much money or not enough money.  Now, we talk about our budget line items that affect us on a weekly basis, on a weekly basis.  These are the things we do every week, like buy groceries and gas.  The bi-annual committee meeting is for the things we don’t look at all the time, like web hosting fees and legal fees etc. 

As I said above, we also go over our budget reports to understand what is being under-funded and what is being over-funded.  We look at EVERY budget item.  Last night, we had to increase the money funding our medical budget and our grocery budget (I swear the grocery stores just keep raising the prices!).  Now, you might be asking “how do you increase a line item?”, and the answer is simple; Something else has to be cut back.  We took the money from our monthly savings (grudgingly) to fund the additional money needed for the medical and grocery budget items.  What if you have no savings?  Then you have to cut back on another line item, like cable, telephone or Internet.  Is your budget so slim that you don’t have ANYextras?  Then you need to try cost cutting to bring your spending in line with your budgeted amount, or increase your income to cover the overages.  It’s simple math…your budget must be balanced!  If there aren’t enough funds, you must cut back, or make more!

Now I challenge you to have your own budget committee meeting (if you’re single, you still need to have the meeting with just yourself, or a friend/family member you trust to share this info with)!  Sit down and figure out how much you spent on all your expenses this last year!  How much did you go over? Under?  Do you even have a budget?  First things first, you need a budget.  Get out a pen and paper, and write down all of your expenses, in order of importance (1. housing, 2. food, 3. electricity etc.), then write down your income.  Assign amounts to each category.  If you run out of income before you reach the bottom, then you either need to cut back your expenses, or increase your income.  Did you reach the bottom with money to spare?  Great!  If you have debt, use the money to pay it off, if not, start saving an emergency fund for 3-6 months worth of expenses, and after that, for retirement! 

It’s our opinion that money works for you and not against you if you watch it like a hawk.  Don’t give yourself the opportunity to mess up!  Start this year off right, and take your budget committee meeting to the kitchen table tonight!

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Merry Christmas 2009!

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Merry Christmas.  Go spend time with your family, as we will be having family time as well.

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Good things come from carrying her purse!

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

This past weekend, your favorite southern couple went out with some friends Saturday night to one of our favorite local Cajun joints.  The food, and company, was, as always, fantastic.  After a couple hours of eating and gabbing, we decided to come back to our place for games and more laughs.  As we were leaving, I noticed that our friend Brad was not only refilling Jodi’s drink, but was also holding her purse, as she was indisposed.  Now, it’s not the first time I thought this, but that’s when it hit me…these 2 are great for each other! 

Throughout the years, people have made fun of the guy who carries his woman’s purse.  Heck, Brad Paisley even wrote a song about it!   Now, I know that something as small as carrying her purse is not indicative of lasting 50 years, but it does reveal a characteristic that, in my opinion, does relate to a lasting relationship…consideration.  Being considerate of your partner, and their feelings, is vital to a relationship.  It shows that without their request, you’re willing to help them, it reveals a deeper connection between you both and a desire to put your partners feelings before your own.  And as you all know, on this point, Jerrill and I do not waiver.  We put each other’s feelings ahead of our own.  Not out of obligation, but out of love and respect.  And while it might not work for everyone, it works pretty well for us!  Do we have our moments?  Sure, nobody’s perfect, and everyone has their moments where they don’t think.  But the effort is what counts. 

So, here is your homework.  Look at your own relationship.  Do you think you’re a considerate partner?  Can you name examples?    If you can, great.  If not, perhaps you should try and incorporate a couple of new ideas into your relationship. 

Just a little food for thought!  But you know, a strong bond between partners can help you get through the upcoming holidays, amongst other things!

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Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule!

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Today’s post is based on a blog post by Dan Miller, author of 48 Days to the Work You Love.  On October 12th, he wrote about a chapter in the new book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, called the 10,000 hours rule.  Are you intrigued? You should be!  Find the original blog post here.

Basically, the jist of the 10,000 hour rule is that the author’s research shows that it’s rare for a person to get to the top of their game in their chosen field without putting in at least 10,000 hours of preparation. 

Raw talent is apparently not as important as the time you devote to your passion…to that thing you do better than everyone else.  No matter who you are and where you came from, no one gets to the top without the 10,000 hours.  And, supposing you want to get to the top of your field, that means you’ve got to WORK!  In a 40 hour work week, you can finish those 10,000 hours in 5 years.  If you’re doing a part time job at 20 hours a week, that’s 10 years.  If you’re working 60 hours a week, that means you’ll finish in 2 1/2 years, but it also means you don’t have a work-life balance, and I can’t agree with that! 

Where are you putting your hours in?  Are you putting effort in the areas of your life that matter the most, or are you leaving work, coming home and turning into a couch potato?  I truly hope you’re not ignoring your family in exchange for mindless channel surfing.  And hey, if the area of your life that matters most, that you want to be excellent at is your relationship with your partner, I’m totally cool with that!  So long as you are putting in the hours and are excellent at something you love, your favorite southern couple is behind you!

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Show your appreciation!

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

I know that when you’re in a relationship, sometimes it’s hard to remember all of the little things you’re supposed to do for your partner.  I know that we get busy, with children and jobs and PTA and social functions etc., but when you’re in a relationship, you need to remember to show appreciation to your partner.  Now, I’m not saying you have to shower them with gifts, or fawn all over them all the time, but occasionally, it might be a good idea to say “I appreciate you” or “thank you”, and mean it. 

Showing your appreciation to your partner doesn’t just let them know you care, it also shows them respect, and respect is a necessary component of a relationship.  Why do I think these actions are so important?  Because when you love somebody, you shouldn’t be focused on yourself all the time.  Yes, it’s important that you have “me time” where you take care of yourself, but it’s just as important that you let you partner know how you feel.  And I’m not just talking about women here…men need to know these things too!  

You might not agree, and that’s ok.  I’m simply sharing what works for your favorite southern couple!  It’s our opinion that a function of a great couple is that both partners are willing to give up everything for the other, and that the other wouldn’t dare take everything from them.  Good luck in showing your appreciation!

Questions or comments?  Feel free to leave a comment, or ask a question about relationships!  I’ll try to answer it to the best of my ability!

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Being single also means being more likely to be without a job!

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Today’s article, No spouse, no job: Unemployment hits singles hard, by George Mannes is an interesting look at some statistics that have come out recently regarding unemployment. 

The numbers for unemployment in September show that it rose to 9.8%, and that it might hit 10% in the near future.  But as bad as the overall unemployment rate is, the breakdown of single versus married people is interesting…it’s almost double!  In August, the rate was 13.5% unemployment for singles and 6.3% unemployment for married people!  The article points out that a likely reason is that married men are motivated to take a lower paying job, to be able to support their families, and that single people are typically younger and have less education and experience than their married counterparts (this, of course, is just supposition).  There is also a difference in those with a high school education versus a Bachelor’s degree or higher.  Only 4.9% with a Bachelor’s degree are unemployed, versus 10.8% with only a high school education (a good argument for staying in school and going to college).

There is also disparity amongst race, gender, and age.  And, while these statistics are interesting to me, I have to think that there are ALWAYS discrepancies amongst employment based on race, gender and age, since the people in the work force are constantly changing.  I’m not taking away from the fact that these people are suffering.  There are a lot of people out there suffering, and I wish them a job…pronto.

Here is the breakdown:

  • African Americans – 15.4%
  • Hispanics – 12.7%
  • Caucasions  9.0%
  • Asians – 7.4%
  • Adult Women – 7.8%
  • Adult Men – 10.3%
  • Teenagers – 25.9%

Overall, I’m most intrigued by the stats on single people.  If single people are more likely to be jobless due to their unwillingness to take lower pay, I say that it is their choice!   As long as they have an emergency fund in place to carry them through this tough spot and/or are working a part time job til they find the “perfect job”, so be it!  And for those of you who are married, taking lower paying jobs, don’t forget your worth!  No matter what your situation, having an emergency fund and being prepared for a job loss will help you weather any storm!

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Do you need to “baby-proof” your finances?

Friday, September 25th, 2009

Today’s article is titled Baby-proofing the family finances by: Yuval Rosenberg.  For me (and I suspect for many of you), it’s a very relevant topic right now.  Since Jerrill and I are trying to start a family, we are in a whole new planning phase of our lives as well, and while I think this article is possibly a little specific to the situation of the couple in the article, the topic is one that needs to be discussed.

The article centers around Chad and Stephanie Grant, from San Diego, who are both 31, have been married 7 years and are starting a family.  They make a very good living, with a nice nest egg already started, but not a very big emergency fund.  The article points out that they have a few actions to take to be ready for baby.

If you are in the same situation, trying to start a family, I have a few tips:

  • You MUST have an emergency fund of AT LEAST $1000, but preferably 3-6 months worth of expenses.
  • It’s a good idea to find out what the total cost of doctor visits and delivery will be and save that amount (or as close to it as you can) to pay cash for your baby when it’s born.  It’ll be nice not to finance your child, right?
  • Now is the time to get diversified, as the article points out.  Make sure you don’t have all of your retirement “eggs” in 1 basket.  You should diversify between small, mid and large cap funds, and international funds.
  • Insurance!  We all know that health insurance is important, but life insurance is equally important when you are starting a family.  If you die, something has to replace your income!
  • A Last Will and Testament is important for you and your spouse, but when you have a baby, it’s IMPERATIVE.  If you don’t have a local lawyer, or don’t have the cash for a lawyer, then go to USLegalForms.com and do it yourself on the cheap!
  • And, of course, stock up on diapers (or ask for gift cards to buy diapers)!

That’s it!  Check out the article, and use these tips to get you on track, if you aren’t already!  Good luck, and I look forward to your questions and comments!

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