I found a great article relating to personal finance that helps with “sticky situation” questions.
Today’s article is “11 Money Etiquette Issues, Solved”
Brief summary: Author Teri Cettina outlines 11 money/etiquette problems that can occur in our lives, that, unfortunately, most of us do not know how to resolve.
Problem #1 – Someone asks nosy questions about something you own or your salary, and you don’t want to share.
Solution – You aren’t obligated to tell, so say “I have a policy not to share prices or salaries with anyone, it’s easier that way”.
Problem #2 – You’re out to dinner, and the bill shows up…you ate cheap and everyone else splurged…do you have to split the bill evenly?
Solution – Ask up front, before you even order, “we’re all paying for our own meals and drinks, right?” or ask the waiter for a separate bill. Do not feel obligated to pay for anyone else.
Problem #3 – You raise money for charities and are conerned about asking too often.
Solution – With immediate family it is always acceptable to ask for help. Extended family should only be asked a couple of times a year. Match up a family members interest to the charities (i.e., ask a cat lover for a donation to an animal shelter). With friends, limit your requests to 2-3 times a year. Also, take note of any family and friends that repeatedly turn you down. They might only have a certain amount set aside for charity and prefer to use it on their own charities. They also might be strapped for cash (who isn’t right now) and not have any to spare!
Problem #4 – You lent money to a friend and they missed a payment, and now you see them with something shiny and new!
Solution – You are going to have to have to say something, but be cautious, because the something new could have been a gift, or they could have just gotten a raise and are ready to pay you back. Either way, say “This is bothering me. You missed a payment with me, and now you have that nice new thing. Can we talk about this?” This will either fix the situation, or you learned the hard way that you shouldn’t lend money to friends, and at that point, you need to make it a gift, if you want to preserve the friendship.
Problem #5 – A friend is an accountant, attorney, event planner, computer programmer etc. and you want their advice/help…should you pay them?
Solution – Yes, you should. People assume that their friends and acquaintances go into their chosen profession because they love their work, not for the money, and therefore, it’s okay to ask for free help. It isn’t. If the friend doesn’t bring it up first, you should ask something like “how are we going to take care of the business side of this?” and negotiate from that point, that way, you won’t be surprised when a bill arrives, and your friend won’t feel taken advantage of if you don’t compensate them. If they offer to do it for free, show your appreciation with a gift card to a restaurant or a goody bag of baked goods etc.
Problem #6 – Everyone is “chipping in” for a group gift, and the item chosen is WAY more money then you wanted to spend…should you say something, or just pay what they say you owe?
Solution – If the gift has already been purchased, explain that you had a different gift in mind, and therefore, won’t be able to contribute to the group gift, and go buy something in your price range. If they haven’t decided on a gift, but the one they are thinking about is too expensive, suggest an alternative to the whole group, with a breakdown of each persons monetary responsiblity, and offer to pick it up as well!
Problem #7 – Your friends make more than you do, and they push aside your efforts to pay your own way. You feel like a charity case. What do you do?
Solution – Say “thank you”. Let them pay if they want to, and find ways within your means to thank them. Give them a scrapbook of the trip that you took together. Or make some baked goods at home and give them to the person. Suggest cheaper places to go or potlucks, so that you can contribute your share.
Problem #8 – You’ve made a financial commitment to friends or family, but now you see the cost is outside your budget. What do you do?
Solution – First things first…when you are in the process of making the plans, state upfront what you can and can’t afford, that way there are no misunderstandings. If reservations have been made before you have discussed it, say up front that it was more than you were planning to spend, and you can’t afford it. If you agreed initially, but for some reason, have to back out, you should offer to help with any cancellation fees. If they offer to lend the money, refer to Problem #4 above. It is never a good idea to lend/borrow money from a friend!
Problem #9 – A friend complains about being broke all the time, then you see them with tons of new stuff. What do you do?
Solution – The friend could just be the type to whine about money, or they could be in financial woes. Tell them “you tell me you are broke, but I see you with these new things, are you in financial trouble?”. If they are in financial trouble, help them find help, but don’t get into their business. If they aren’t in financial troubles, then just understand that some people complain about money, and deal with it.
Problem #10 – Someone asks where you got the new shirt you have on and you don’t want to reveal that it’s inexpensive and from a chain store, what do you do?
Solution – You are totally within your right to keep that information to yourself. Just say “oh, it’s so old I can’t remember” unless it’s obvious that it’s new, then say “I did so much shopping that day I can’t remember”.
Problem #11 – You are collecting money for a group gift. The gift has been bought, and now people owe you. What do you do?
Solution – Send out an email, tell everyone you are collecting the money and give a specific date by which you need the money. If there are still some “no pays”, it is absolutely OK to send out another email noting the names of those who have paid with thanks. If you only lack a couple of people, ask them if they sent it to you and you didn’t receive it. don’t be accusatory, as it can cause relational problems. If they’re short on money, accept whatever they can give and move on.
All in all, I was very pleased to see that this article had been written, because too often, situations arise that we just don’t know how to handle. But, as my mom taught me, it’s better to err on the side of caution!
