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Posts Tagged ‘Family’

Spoiled children and silly parenting.

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

One of my best friends shared a story with me the other day that I felt compelled to share with our readers today.  She was at her salon, getting a haircut, when a mother came in with her 5 year old daughter for a manicure.  Big deal, you might say, until I tell you that the manicure was for the daughter, and while she was there, she also purchased the 5 year old a spa package!  What silliness!  What 5 year old child needs a manicure, much less a spa package!  Does she need a massage after having such a hard day?  A facial, to get rid of all those blemishes and wrinkles?  Seriously, what possible reason could a child need a spa package?  There isn’t a good reason.  This is simply an example of a mother being overly indulgent and not realizing the damage that that kind of parenting can cause. 

Instant gratification is having a lack of impulse control, and, conversely, delayed gratification  is having the ability to wait for something you want (i.e. willpower or impulse control).  In our society we tend to think of children as having no impulse control, and learning this ability as they get older and become an adult.  Well, what happens when the child isn’t taught impulse control, and grows up with the same attitudes they had as a child?  We think that these children grow up to be the people who struggle with any vices that require willpower/impulse control, such as spending money and overeating etc.  These people still have the “I want it now” attitude, and whatever “it” is, they don’t deny themselves the treat, because they “deserve” it.  Can you imagine what the little girl with the spa package at age 5 will act like as an adult if she  doesn’t learn to have self control (which is not likely to be learned from her mother, I’m sorry to say)?  So, what’s the good news?  If you struggle with impulse control, you can learn it as an adult.  You just have to take each instance where you need willpower and ask yourself why you need the item now, and if it’s worth it.  It’s not easy.  You will fail on occasion.  But every time you don’t fail, that’s one step closer to mastering the skill!

Delayed gratification is one of the biggest tricks up the sleeves of people who succeed.  They know how to wait for what they want.  Knowing this, as a parent, make sure you teach your child how to have willpower, and as an adult (who lacks willpower), decide that you aren’t going to fall victim to your childhood whims of instant gratification and help yourself succeed!

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar??

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

What is your ultimate goal?  Your “Klondike Bar”, so to speak.  What would you do to accomplish that goal? 

No matter what your ultimate goal is, more than likely you need to plan for it!  Are you planning for this goal that you want to achieve?  Are you working toward it as I’m typing this?  If not, then how do you ever expect to achieve it? 

Planning out your life usually gets you just as excited as doing your taxes, but is just as necessary (don’t want the government coming after you, do you?) because it not only maps out what you need to do, but gives you a sense of purpose to work toward for your future.  Basically, you can’t reach your destination if you don’t have a map to go by.  So, what are some ways to plan for the future?

First, you need to brainstorm.  What is your goal?  What credentials or money do you need to achieve your goal (college, or capital to get started?)?  Is the place you live in a good place to work toward that goal, or is there another place better suited to the goal (i.e., marine biologists shouldn’t live in the desert).  What type of friend and family network do you need to make this goal a reality?  If your goal is for a certain career, are you sure that the career is suited to your personality (i.e. if you don’t like paying attention to details, accounting is probably not a good career path for you).  If your goal is to retire wealthy, have you written out a budget and figured out what percentage of your income you need to save in order to do so (the money isn’t just going to appear, and social security, if it’s still around, definitely won’t let you live “comfortably”). 

Once you have brainstormed and figured out all the things necessary to achieve the goal, then you put them in chronological order or order of necessity, whichever seems to make more sense for your particular needs.  Now, you have a map.  Start at the top of the list and work at it, one item at a time.  For example, if the first thing you need is an education, then that is where you start.  Use the same process of identifying how to achieve each item on your list, as you did to make the list, and you not only have a plan/map to achieve your ultimate goal, but it should be easier to achieve it, because you aren’t scrambling to figure things out on the fly.

Don’t know what you want to do, or what your ultimate goal is in your life?  That’s ok.  Take time to figure it out.  If you bounce around for a few years longer than your friends, it’s OK.  It doesn’t make you inferior, it just means that your interests are too varied to settle on one thing at that point in your life.  However, once you do figure out your passion, take these steps to get a plan in action!

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No tip today…

Monday, January 25th, 2010

We have had a death in the family, and will not be posting a tip today.  Please check back Wednesday for a new post!  Thank you for reading!

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Our State of the Union…

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

Last night, your favorite southern couple had our bi-annual “State of the Union” or “budget committee meeting”.  Basically, a time when we sit down and review our budget and re-vamp any budgeted items that are receiving too much money or not enough money.  Now, we talk about our budget line items that affect us on a weekly basis, on a weekly basis.  These are the things we do every week, like buy groceries and gas.  The bi-annual committee meeting is for the things we don’t look at all the time, like web hosting fees and legal fees etc. 

As I said above, we also go over our budget reports to understand what is being under-funded and what is being over-funded.  We look at EVERY budget item.  Last night, we had to increase the money funding our medical budget and our grocery budget (I swear the grocery stores just keep raising the prices!).  Now, you might be asking “how do you increase a line item?”, and the answer is simple; Something else has to be cut back.  We took the money from our monthly savings (grudgingly) to fund the additional money needed for the medical and grocery budget items.  What if you have no savings?  Then you have to cut back on another line item, like cable, telephone or Internet.  Is your budget so slim that you don’t have ANYextras?  Then you need to try cost cutting to bring your spending in line with your budgeted amount, or increase your income to cover the overages.  It’s simple math…your budget must be balanced!  If there aren’t enough funds, you must cut back, or make more!

Now I challenge you to have your own budget committee meeting (if you’re single, you still need to have the meeting with just yourself, or a friend/family member you trust to share this info with)!  Sit down and figure out how much you spent on all your expenses this last year!  How much did you go over? Under?  Do you even have a budget?  First things first, you need a budget.  Get out a pen and paper, and write down all of your expenses, in order of importance (1. housing, 2. food, 3. electricity etc.), then write down your income.  Assign amounts to each category.  If you run out of income before you reach the bottom, then you either need to cut back your expenses, or increase your income.  Did you reach the bottom with money to spare?  Great!  If you have debt, use the money to pay it off, if not, start saving an emergency fund for 3-6 months worth of expenses, and after that, for retirement! 

It’s our opinion that money works for you and not against you if you watch it like a hawk.  Don’t give yourself the opportunity to mess up!  Start this year off right, and take your budget committee meeting to the kitchen table tonight!

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Happy New Year 2010!

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Happy New Year 2010!  Enjoy the day with your friends and family, or recover quickly!

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Merry Christmas 2009!

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Merry Christmas.  Go spend time with your family, as we will be having family time as well.

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Some food for thought!

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Today I just wanted to share a few insights that I ran across while researching other topics for this past Friday.  Since we are heading into Christmas and millions of us will be going home for the holiday, I thought it a good idea for us to be reflective and introspective…now is as good a time as any for personal and familial growth.

  • No one’s perfect – This shouldn’t even have to be said, since we should all already know this, but too often we do not.  We know that we aren’t perfect, but don’t extend this logic to our friends, loved ones and other acquaintances.  We should though, because holding people to a standard of perfect is only setting you up for disappointment.  Try to remember that the people in your life are trying…and you should try too!
  • “Events reveal people’s characters;they don’t determine them” – This should be something that we all remember.  If your friend does something hurtful to you because of a bad situation they find themselves in, they were likely to do it anyway…it was not the situation that created the attitude, the attitude merely came out during the situation.  The event doesn’t matter.  “You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die”.
  • Love and family are hard, you can’t fake feelings forever - Be honest with those you love.  Keeping relationships strong through decades is a lot harder than you might think it is, and dishonesty will only breed contempt.  Share your thoughts and feelings with friends and loved ones, even when it is hard. 
  • Keep your eye on the prize – Never lose sight of your goals and aspirations.  I know that in this instant gratification, have it now world, it’s easy to lose sight of your own feet in front of you, but the dream is part of you, and you shouldn’t give up on it or forget about it.  I don’t care if your dream is to be President of the United States, or to be the loving housewife and mother of a wonderful husband and 2 great children…never forget that dream, and, as Winston Churchill said, never give in.

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Free screenings for you or someone else!

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

As many of you already know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  For me, it’s personal.  My mother, who is the greatest woman I’ve ever known, was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2006.  I am not exaggerating when I say that I was scared out of my mind.  In truth, it probably didn’t help that my grandmother (my mom’s mother), whom I was also very close to, passed away just a few months earlier (not from breast cancer).  So, to me, it seemed like my world was crashing down around me.  I went through most of the recovery process with my mom.  She required both chemotherapy and surgery, and it was very hard to watch a woman who had been so strong for so long struggle.  It was…heartbreaking.  But, with the power of prayer and help from some of the best (and nicest) doctors I have ever met in my life, she has made a full recovery.  This experience, however, makes me think about how important it is to get screened for breast cancer, AKA, getting a mammogram.  What’s better, is that I found some information about ways to get them for free, or at least on the cheap, so people without health insurance can get screened as well.

The first website is called The Breast Cancer Site.  It is an interesting way to help those in need, but basically, you click the button (you can click once a day) and after a certain number of clicks (roughly 45,000) it donates a free mammogram to women in need across the country.  It is a for profit business, but is also supported by corporate sponsorship, so check it out and click the button, since you could save a life with that click.  Think it’s too good to be true?  Verify it here!

Another website is called liv.com.  It is a breast cancer awareness website that lists resources for women to get free or low cost mammograms.  The United States Center for Disease Control’s National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (NBCCEDP) is one resource you can use to get access to these low cost of free screenings.  Check out their website here.  Other websites listed on liv.com offering help to get screened on the cheap are The National Cancer Institute (supported by the U.S. Government), the American Cancer Society (the blue box in the middle right of the page “Find ACS in Your Community” is where you want to go.  You’ll need your zip code.  They can tell you what resources are available in your area.) and The American Breast Cancer Foundation’s Key to Life Breast Cancer Screening Assistance Program.  This last resource doesn’t have a website, but you can call them at 877-539-2543 to enroll in their program which provides financial assistance to uninsured and underinsured women and men for breast cancer testing.  If none of these suit your needs, call your local hospital and ask to speak to a social worker.  They are the hospital contact that will be aware of any free or low cost mammogram/cancer screenings in your area. 

Breast cancer won’t go away on it’s own.  The faster they catch it, the better your chances.  If my mom hadn’t been diligent in her screenings, I might have lost her, and that isn’t something I like to think about.  So you’re busy with kids and career.  It doesn’t matter, because you have to take care of yourself, no matter what is going on!  Think about it…if you don’t take care of yourself, who will take care of your priorities (kids etc.) when you’re gone?

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