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Posts Tagged ‘Family’

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Sanity and working together…

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

There are many differences between good strong relationships and relationships that struggle.  We have discussed some of them in the past, but another characteristic of a strong relationship is working together.  When you work together as a couple, it keeps you sane, especially when you have a burden on your relationship. 

In our case, a new baby in the house is definitely a strain on our sanity as first time parents.  There are bottles to be made and diapers to be changed, all while the baby is crying.  It’s a lot on the nerves.  The only way to make it through, that I can see anyway, is to work together.  When you share the responsibilities you are not only showing respect to your partner, but you are directly impacting their stress level in a positive way.  This keeps the blood pressure low and, if your lucky, keeps the sleep deprivation to a minimum, haha. 

Identify the stressers in your relationship.  Sit down and discuss them together, and see if you can agree on a method to work together and remove the stress.  Show each other the love and respect that you felt for each other when you got married.  That is how love and respect grow throughout the years.  I love and respect Jerrill more everyday.  And the love and respect I show him, he shows to me as well, and that, people, helps you keep your sanity when you have a million things to do and no time to do it in.

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Father’s Day gifts for the frugal shopper, and neat ideas for the NEW DADDY!

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Last month we posted some ideas for the frugal shopper looking to get mom something special for Mother’s Day, and now, with Father’s Day fast approaching, we’ve decided to post several links to websites that have some great tips for the gift givers!  For ideas on inexpensive gifts for Father’s Day, check out the following links:

  • Better Budgeting - Some great ideas here!  My favorite is the idea of yard service.  This is great for the father who doesn’t relish the idea of getting out in the heat and working in the yard.   A truly thoughtful gift.
  • About.com - As for this website, I personally like the “week of special lunches”, since Jerrill takes his lunch to work everyday.  I think this might top my list for next years Father’s Day!
  • iVillage.com - This has some good tips for the 1st Father’s Day for a new dad!  The big idea here is keeping it simple and inexpensive, and I wholeheartedly agree, since most men I know wouldn’t want you to break the bank on their Father’s Day gift anyway.  Men are men.  If they want something for themselves, they generally go get it!
  • Associated Content - This has some sweet ideas and some funny ideas for the new dad.  I LOVE the “new dad diaper changing survival kit”!  This is a great little funny gift for the dad with a sense of humor!

So, with my baby about to be born any day now, you might be asking what your favorite southern woman has done for her man on Father’s Day.  Well, I have 2 presents in store for him (I don’t mind sharing…he’s a little busy with baby stuff right now, and won’t likely be reading this week’s posts, haha).  The first is a picture frame that will have our first family picture in it, that he can take to work.  The second is my favorite however.  I have had his wedding band inscribed, something personal from just me to him, because even though it is Father’s Day, the joy of our baby would not have been possible without our love and devotion to each other, and it’s always good for couples to remember that.

Hope these links help you find the ideal and frugal gift for your dad!  Good luck!

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Tips for executing a will…

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Today, I’m writing about and article I found after being inspired by an article on CNNMoney.com titled What an executor must know before a parent dies.  Basically, I found the article on CNN Money to be lacking, and so I did some digging around and found a more in depth and comprehensive checklist (obviously not meant to replace the advice of a lawyer or accountant, but helpful for the DIY-er) for an executor (trix) of a will.

I myself am currently named as an Executrix of an estate, although I hope not to have to be saddled with the job for many, many years, and, after I got to reading the little article on CNN Money, I began to wonder what the  basics of executing a will were, and whether or not I knew any of them.  I mean, I have no doubt that I can and will carry it out to the best of my ability, but I am no expert, and therefore, would like to have some tips on the process and legal issues that might arise.  The article I found surpassed my expectations.  From contacting the funeral home to contacting a lawyer (if necessary), this checklist has a little bit for everyone.  An important question raised is how to pay for the funeral if it has not been paid in advance.  Life insurance “isn’t paid in a week” as it says, and therefore the author recommends that the owner of the estate have money set aside for these expenses if they don’t pay for them ahead of time!  What a great suggestion!

This article not only has tips for the executor of the will, but also, at the bottom of the checklist it has some tips for the person with the estate.  This is fantastic, if you ask me, because more often than not, the issues that arise from a will (other than people being petty over material mementos) are because the deceased person doesn’t have their affairs “completely” in order.  For those of you with a will, I would double check this list to be sure you haven’t missed something.  The best tip (in my humble opinion) was to have a specific folder, binder etc. that is stored in a place that the executor and another family member know of that has ALL of your important information in it, from wills to passports to divorce decrees…and not copies either!  They need to be the originals!

I suggest to all of our readers to check out the article.  This just seems like information that could be useful for most of us in the future, especially if you follow our suggestions and get yourself our of debt and start building wealth.  You could have a “nice chunk of change” to leave to your family, and you don’t want them to get a headache from your gift!  Happy reading!

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Paying attention to your family…

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Yesterday, my beloved sent me an article about a family that is so attached to their “tech” (AKA their gadgets, like phones, MP3 players, laptops, video games etc.) that they spend time with each other without spending time with each other.  They have so many distractions that they can’t function as a normal family.  The 2nd grader has her own laptop!  It’s ridiculous! 

I have always been opposed to the excessive use of tech, especially when you are supposed to be focused on your family.  The fact is, there are times when it’s OK to tech binge, and there are times when it’s not.  Children should not have these tech things that can distract them from their family, and the parents shouldn’t set a bad example by using their gadgets all the time either.  There have been numerous studies that prove that multi-tasking is only possible for 3% of the population without the loss of quality.  With that fact in mind, what do you think happens to the quality of family time when each member of the family has a gadget in their hands and in their face?  Obviously, the quality goes down!

Am I saying that people shouldn’t ever use the tech they have?  No, of course not.  But when “family time” is really family time, it’s probably a good idea to put the tech away for the duration.  For example, when we go on vacation, we heavily limit our use of our tech.  We take our laptop with us to be able to stream music or play it from our music library while we are hanging out at the condo/hotel room.  We take our camera for pictures and the OCCASIONAL video (I’m not a big video fan since I sound every bit the hillbilly that I am :-D ).  We take the GPS to get us there safely, and our cell phones in case of emergency.  We DO NOT use the cell phones while on vacation, with the exception of the phone call made to family informing them of our safe arrival.  We limit the tech because while on vacation, there are PLENTY of other things to do and we should focus on each other, not the world around us.

Think about your household (or, like our example, your vacation).  Do you spend too much time in front of the computer?  Your gaming system?  Your smart phone?  Does your significant other have to ask you the same question 4 times before you hear them?  Have you been caught up in something on the Internet andnot heard your child call to you, or, like the article, have you forgot to pick your child up from school (etc.) because you were too engrossed in something online?  If you struggle to find the time for your family because of your gadgets, I would suggest limiting your time on them, and limiting how much your children see you on them.  If they see you do it, they will also do it, and teaching a child how to ignore their future family isn’t exactly a great life lesson.

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Birds of a feather save money together…

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

While checking out some websites the other day, I ran across a quote from a co-founder of WiseBread.com, another personal finance blog that has some good tips.  The quote says “Good money management is a lifestyle. If you surround yourself with people who share the same values, you’re more likely to stay on track”.  This is very similar to one of my favorite quotes, stating that “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, by Jim Rohn. 

Obviously they both speak for themselves, but many times we either don’t think things through or apply them in our lives.  IF, for example, we are the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves with, and we surround ourselves with people who choose to be frugal and manage their money wisely, it stands to reason that we would find it easier to stick to our decisions as well.   

So, the question is, have you thought through the people you spend the most time with these days?  Are they the type of people you would want to be if you had to be someone else?  Would you let them step into your life and run your house and job/business in your stead, making all choices and decisions for you?  If you would not trust them to make the wise decisions you would make (or wiser even), then I say perhaps you need to reevaluate the friendship.  This doesn’t necessarily mean I want you to ditch all your friends that don’t “measure up”, but maybe you need to develop better relationships with friends who meet your new found requirements, or perhaps YOU need to be the role model for your friends, encouraging them in their endeavors.  Whichever of these choices you feel you were meant to do, implementing them isn’t difficult (just being aware of the choices in front of you with regard to your friends is a step in the right direction, but also, I find that deciding to be the type of friend you want to have makes a big difference as well, since so many people are NOT the type of friend they want to have), and the rewards can be plentiful, both in wealth and in personal fulfillment. 

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Memorial Day!

Monday, May 31st, 2010

Today I just wanted to take a moment to remind all what Memorial Day is really about.  I know most of us celebrate with days off from work, cookouts, boat rides etc., but the holiday is actually about remembering our fallen military servicemen and women for all of their sacrifices.  The holiday used to be called Decoration Day, since it had (and has) become common practice to decorate the graves of fallen military soldiers throughout the years.  Nowadays, many people include all family members in the graves they decorate.  So today, as you enjoy your time off from work and sit back and relax, don’t forget to remember those who gave their lives to secure your health and freedom.  The national moment of remembrance and silence takes place at 3pm local time, if you are so inclined!

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Digging ourselves out of the hole our parents dug for us.

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

One of the hardest things a person can do is admit the faults of their loved ones.  We don’t want to say hurtful things about someone we care about, especially if we have to say it to their face, but sometimes, it is necessary to admit those faults.  Not with anger or mean spirit, but more with the intent of constructive criticism.  So, here we go with some constructive criticism and a little bit of generalizing.  

I want my readers to understand that I don’t say this lightly, but I feel that the Baby Boomer generation made choices that, while right for them at the time, have shaped the attitudes of us Gen Xers and Gen Yers to rebel against the way our parents taught us. 

What am I referring to?  What choices did they make?  Given the innovation of the times, and the changes in attitude toward working women, the Baby Boomers were able to send both parents to work, which resulted in a higher income, but took parents away from their children.  This meant that they weren’t there all the time to ensure their children were learning all the life lessons they should, and given that they had VCRs, game consoles and personal computers to contend with, this might not have been best for every family.

Instead of learning to eat healthy and get plenty of physical activity, some of us only learned what TV dinners were and were allowed to sit and play game consoles instead of physical games outdoors.  Instead of learning to save money and pay for what we wanted with cash, we watched as our parents (and other influential adults in our lives) charged what they wanted, to be paid for over time at a later date. 

Watching this happen, most of us started off as adults who charged everything and ate whatever we wanted without caring about exercise or health.  How did this affect us?  Did we sit back and let it happen to us, teaching the same to our children?  For many of us, we did not.  We decided to take better care of ourselves and our finances.  We decided that dinner should be made from  healthy ingredients, instead of being microwaved in a box.  We decided (or were forced to realize through too much debt) that financing everything we want isn’t a smart financial decision in the long run…that living paycheck to paycheck just to “have it all” right now isn’t really living.  We decided that family time IS more important than 70 hour work weeks just to make a few extra bucks. 

Does this make our parents terrible parents?  Of course not!  We are who we are because of them!  Different parenting styles make the world go round.  It just means that some of us have to dig ourselves out of a hole, be that weight gain/health issues or debt.  Either way, we’re teaching ourselves the lessons we missed, and now just have to remember that for our own children!

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Spoiled children and silly parenting.

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

One of my best friends shared a story with me the other day that I felt compelled to share with our readers today.  She was at her salon, getting a haircut, when a mother came in with her 5 year old daughter for a manicure.  Big deal, you might say, until I tell you that the manicure was for the daughter, and while she was there, she also purchased the 5 year old a spa package!  What silliness!  What 5 year old child needs a manicure, much less a spa package!  Does she need a massage after having such a hard day?  A facial, to get rid of all those blemishes and wrinkles?  Seriously, what possible reason could a child need a spa package?  There isn’t a good reason.  This is simply an example of a mother being overly indulgent and not realizing the damage that that kind of parenting can cause. 

Instant gratification is having a lack of impulse control, and, conversely, delayed gratification  is having the ability to wait for something you want (i.e. willpower or impulse control).  In our society we tend to think of children as having no impulse control, and learning this ability as they get older and become an adult.  Well, what happens when the child isn’t taught impulse control, and grows up with the same attitudes they had as a child?  We think that these children grow up to be the people who struggle with any vices that require willpower/impulse control, such as spending money and overeating etc.  These people still have the “I want it now” attitude, and whatever “it” is, they don’t deny themselves the treat, because they “deserve” it.  Can you imagine what the little girl with the spa package at age 5 will act like as an adult if she  doesn’t learn to have self control (which is not likely to be learned from her mother, I’m sorry to say)?  So, what’s the good news?  If you struggle with impulse control, you can learn it as an adult.  You just have to take each instance where you need willpower and ask yourself why you need the item now, and if it’s worth it.  It’s not easy.  You will fail on occasion.  But every time you don’t fail, that’s one step closer to mastering the skill!

Delayed gratification is one of the biggest tricks up the sleeves of people who succeed.  They know how to wait for what they want.  Knowing this, as a parent, make sure you teach your child how to have willpower, and as an adult (who lacks willpower), decide that you aren’t going to fall victim to your childhood whims of instant gratification and help yourself succeed!

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar??

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

What is your ultimate goal?  Your “Klondike Bar”, so to speak.  What would you do to accomplish that goal? 

No matter what your ultimate goal is, more than likely you need to plan for it!  Are you planning for this goal that you want to achieve?  Are you working toward it as I’m typing this?  If not, then how do you ever expect to achieve it? 

Planning out your life usually gets you just as excited as doing your taxes, but is just as necessary (don’t want the government coming after you, do you?) because it not only maps out what you need to do, but gives you a sense of purpose to work toward for your future.  Basically, you can’t reach your destination if you don’t have a map to go by.  So, what are some ways to plan for the future?

First, you need to brainstorm.  What is your goal?  What credentials or money do you need to achieve your goal (college, or capital to get started?)?  Is the place you live in a good place to work toward that goal, or is there another place better suited to the goal (i.e., marine biologists shouldn’t live in the desert).  What type of friend and family network do you need to make this goal a reality?  If your goal is for a certain career, are you sure that the career is suited to your personality (i.e. if you don’t like paying attention to details, accounting is probably not a good career path for you).  If your goal is to retire wealthy, have you written out a budget and figured out what percentage of your income you need to save in order to do so (the money isn’t just going to appear, and social security, if it’s still around, definitely won’t let you live “comfortably”). 

Once you have brainstormed and figured out all the things necessary to achieve the goal, then you put them in chronological order or order of necessity, whichever seems to make more sense for your particular needs.  Now, you have a map.  Start at the top of the list and work at it, one item at a time.  For example, if the first thing you need is an education, then that is where you start.  Use the same process of identifying how to achieve each item on your list, as you did to make the list, and you not only have a plan/map to achieve your ultimate goal, but it should be easier to achieve it, because you aren’t scrambling to figure things out on the fly.

Don’t know what you want to do, or what your ultimate goal is in your life?  That’s ok.  Take time to figure it out.  If you bounce around for a few years longer than your friends, it’s OK.  It doesn’t make you inferior, it just means that your interests are too varied to settle on one thing at that point in your life.  However, once you do figure out your passion, take these steps to get a plan in action!

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