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Posts Tagged ‘emotional drains’

Paying attention to your family…

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Yesterday, my beloved sent me an article about a family that is so attached to their “tech” (AKA their gadgets, like phones, MP3 players, laptops, video games etc.) that they spend time with each other without spending time with each other.  They have so many distractions that they can’t function as a normal family.  The 2nd grader has her own laptop!  It’s ridiculous! 

I have always been opposed to the excessive use of tech, especially when you are supposed to be focused on your family.  The fact is, there are times when it’s OK to tech binge, and there are times when it’s not.  Children should not have these tech things that can distract them from their family, and the parents shouldn’t set a bad example by using their gadgets all the time either.  There have been numerous studies that prove that multi-tasking is only possible for 3% of the population without the loss of quality.  With that fact in mind, what do you think happens to the quality of family time when each member of the family has a gadget in their hands and in their face?  Obviously, the quality goes down!

Am I saying that people shouldn’t ever use the tech they have?  No, of course not.  But when “family time” is really family time, it’s probably a good idea to put the tech away for the duration.  For example, when we go on vacation, we heavily limit our use of our tech.  We take our laptop with us to be able to stream music or play it from our music library while we are hanging out at the condo/hotel room.  We take our camera for pictures and the OCCASIONAL video (I’m not a big video fan since I sound every bit the hillbilly that I am :-D ).  We take the GPS to get us there safely, and our cell phones in case of emergency.  We DO NOT use the cell phones while on vacation, with the exception of the phone call made to family informing them of our safe arrival.  We limit the tech because while on vacation, there are PLENTY of other things to do and we should focus on each other, not the world around us.

Think about your household (or, like our example, your vacation).  Do you spend too much time in front of the computer?  Your gaming system?  Your smart phone?  Does your significant other have to ask you the same question 4 times before you hear them?  Have you been caught up in something on the Internet andnot heard your child call to you, or, like the article, have you forgot to pick your child up from school (etc.) because you were too engrossed in something online?  If you struggle to find the time for your family because of your gadgets, I would suggest limiting your time on them, and limiting how much your children see you on them.  If they see you do it, they will also do it, and teaching a child how to ignore their future family isn’t exactly a great life lesson.

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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Why forgiveness is important.

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

As some of you might remember, a few months ago I wrote the post YOU are an emotional piggy bank, where I talked about your emotional piggy bank, and how it should be filled by emotional boosts and not emotional drains.  Some of you might be tempted to think that that post and today’s post conflict, but they do not.   Forgiveness is applied when someone has wronged you (generally), and it is your choice as to whether or not you can accept what they’ve done and move on (an apology goes a long way, as we all know, but it doesn’t always happen that way).

I have a friend that I have known for 17 years, and for 6-7 of those years, we did not speak.  This friend and I were inseparable throughout several of our high school years, and only drifted slightly when I moved away.  A few years ago, the blow up was partially their fault, and partially mine.  This friend did something in very bad taste, and I, not realizing it was a cry for help, did not help them, but instead, sent them away.  Flash forward to this year…this friend contacted me, and after years to think about what we’d both done wrong, I felt it was a good idea to try again.  And I’m glad I did.  It might not be just like old times, since we live a couple hours apart, but it’s easy again…the way a close friendship should be.  This is not to say that we don’t all have friends who are, as another friend of mine likes to call them, “small-dosers”, i.e. friends you can only be around for a limited time so they don’t drive you crazy.  We all have those friends, but the closest friends shouldn’t be hard to be around, and thankfully, for me and my friend, it isn’t.

Do you have a friend that you’ve lost touch with for this type of reason?  Do you think about them often, wishing there was a way to get things back to better times?  Do you think that they’re character is good and they are worth a second chance, or the extra effort?  If so, make that effort.  If they contact you, go slowly, but learn to forgive and forget.  Forgiveness is one of the things that makes us human, and I like to try it when I can.  This doesn’t mean it will always work.  Sometimes, a person’s character is lost forever, or they have hurt you so badly that you cannot imagine ever forgiving them, or they weren’t a good enough friend in the first place to merit forgiveness, since you didn’t care to be around them anyway.  The dilemma and decision are yours to make.  Just remember that if you thought them worth “best friend” status before, keep that in mind if they offer an olive branch.

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Everybody Loves A Good Clips Episode…

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

This week I wanted to revisit some of my previous posts that I find to be worth repeating, because when it comes to money and relationships, lessons need to be reinforced.  It’s the best way to stay focused!  Below, you will find links to some of our previous and a description.  We hope they keep you focused if you are doing well with your money and marriage (relationship) or get you back on track if you’ve lost your way. 

  • Can You Plan Spontaneity - This is a recent post, but it’s a good one, and it’s one of our trademark tips for a successful lifestyle .  The post outlines how we have built spontaneity into our budget (which works quite well, I assure you), achieving both spontaneity (to have a little mystery about special outings, gifts etc.) and budget restraint (so you have so money to retire on one day).
  • YOU are an emotional piggy bank -   This post has generated a lotof talk of the last few weeks.   You are an emotional piggy bank, taking in deposits and doling out payments from other people.  Just like a bank account or a piggy bank, you need to have more deposits coming in than payments going out for the system (i.e. you) to function.  People that drain too much from you, drain you, and you should spend time with them sparingly, if at all.  This, of course, is opposed to emotional boosts, who make lotsof deposits into your piggy bank.  You should spend as much time as possible around these special people.
  • Never forget where you started… - This post is a reminder of why you got married or into a relationship with your spouse/significant other, and some tips on how to make it work better or keep it working wonderfully!
  • Why your friends are costing you money, and what you can do to stop it! - This post is all about being friends with people who have a larger income than you and ways to avoid the pressure of spending too much money, or spending money that you don’t have when you hang out/spend time with them!
  •   So, going to the gym is like budgeting my finances? - This post draws parallels between going to the gym and budgeting your finances.  Not only are there insights into better ways to budget your money, but there are also a few tips on going to the gym!  You can’t beat that!

So, those are the blog posts that we’d like for you to go back and take a second look at!  Hopefully, you will find some information that helps you along in your life, or reaffirms what you already have in practice!

 

 

 

 

“clips episode” of previous posts that are “must reads”

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YOU are an emotional piggybank…

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

I love piggybanks. They are such a good example for so many things in our life. While talking with Jerrill this past weekend, he used it as an example for our emotions, and I wanted to share our insights today.

The fact is, most of us are an emotional piggybank. There are both deposits and withdrawals made to the piggybank, and to stay on track with your piggybank, you need to keep the “in-flow” equal to or greater than the “out-flow”. So, how do you keep the in-flow up? By surrounding yourself with the right type of people.

There are people in the world who are emotional drains. They are negative about other people, about themselves and about the world. They bring our mood and our spirit down and we feel worse after we have been around them. These people TAKE from our emotional piggybank. They are doing nothing for you emotionally except wearing down your spirit and your nerves. Now, they probably do not know that they are emotional drains to their friends and family, and it’s not like they have intentions of being this way…they just are.

The other side of the spectrum is the person who is an emotional boost to your life. They are the people who brighten your day. They are positive about other people and about the world in general. You leave their presence just as happy, if not happier, than when you arrived! These people GIVE to our emotional piggybank.

A person who once was a boost can become a drain if they have had something bad happen in their life and an emotional drain can become a boost if their life changes for the better. Hopefully, the drains in your life will eventually become a boost, but don’t count on it. Some people will always be a drain. It is your choice whether you keep them in your life.

In theory, you would do well not to have any emotional withdrawals from your piggybank at all. I have people in my life from each category, and being around those who deposit in my piggybank is a lot easier than being around those who make withdrawals. Your goal, like mine, should be to surround yourself with more emotional boosts than emotional drains so that your emotional piggybank is overflowing with deposits, and not impacted by the negativity of others.

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