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Posts Tagged ‘emotional boosts’

Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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You’ve used it for swimming! The buddy system gets an update!

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Today I wanted to talk about a great way to help control your spending (or over-spending).  A method of checks and balances, so to speak.  The buddy system!  You remember the buddy system.  Perhaps you used it at the swimming pool or when going to a public restroom as a child, or perhaps you used it when in the grocery store with your older siblings…either way, you’ve done it before, and if you’re struggling with spending money (are you a spend-thrift?), you need to do it again!

Okay, so here’s your refresher course, not that most of you need it!  When you’re out shopping, and you see something you like, you can approach it 1 of 2 ways.  The first way (the one we opt for) is to call your spending buddy and tell them what you’re thinking of buying.  If they think it’s frivolous, they can talk you out of the purchase before you buy it.  The second option is to call your spending buddy after you’ve made the purchase and try and defend it.  The difference is usually how bad you can be made to feel.  Think about it…if you call during your shopping, they can stop you from buying it and praise you for putting it up.  If, however, you choose to call your spending buddy after the purchase, while defending it you could feel very guilty for the purchase and it could cause problems in the relationship.  I think it’s worth the risk to the relationship, however, if it teaches a spend-thrift a hard lesson to learn!

Some other information worth noting…if you choose your significant other as your spending buddy (which is the system your favorite southern couple has in place), you had better be sure you have an absolutely solid relationship that cannot be shaken by a little  criticism and guilt.  My advice would be to try it on a temporary basis for a week or two before deciding to put it in place as your go-to system.  If you find that your feelings are hurt by your significant other, and you can’t get past it, stop the trial before real problems follow and both of you should choose someone else to be your spending buddy.  Who makes a good spending buddy?  Someone you look up to or respect.  A person that can criticize you without losing your friendship or relationship.  This could be your mother, sister, brother or best friend.  You decide who works best for you, but just get the system in place.  The quicker you start the buddy system, the more money you’ll save!

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Why forgiveness is important.

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

As some of you might remember, a few months ago I wrote the post YOU are an emotional piggy bank, where I talked about your emotional piggy bank, and how it should be filled by emotional boosts and not emotional drains.  Some of you might be tempted to think that that post and today’s post conflict, but they do not.   Forgiveness is applied when someone has wronged you (generally), and it is your choice as to whether or not you can accept what they’ve done and move on (an apology goes a long way, as we all know, but it doesn’t always happen that way).

I have a friend that I have known for 17 years, and for 6-7 of those years, we did not speak.  This friend and I were inseparable throughout several of our high school years, and only drifted slightly when I moved away.  A few years ago, the blow up was partially their fault, and partially mine.  This friend did something in very bad taste, and I, not realizing it was a cry for help, did not help them, but instead, sent them away.  Flash forward to this year…this friend contacted me, and after years to think about what we’d both done wrong, I felt it was a good idea to try again.  And I’m glad I did.  It might not be just like old times, since we live a couple hours apart, but it’s easy again…the way a close friendship should be.  This is not to say that we don’t all have friends who are, as another friend of mine likes to call them, “small-dosers”, i.e. friends you can only be around for a limited time so they don’t drive you crazy.  We all have those friends, but the closest friends shouldn’t be hard to be around, and thankfully, for me and my friend, it isn’t.

Do you have a friend that you’ve lost touch with for this type of reason?  Do you think about them often, wishing there was a way to get things back to better times?  Do you think that they’re character is good and they are worth a second chance, or the extra effort?  If so, make that effort.  If they contact you, go slowly, but learn to forgive and forget.  Forgiveness is one of the things that makes us human, and I like to try it when I can.  This doesn’t mean it will always work.  Sometimes, a person’s character is lost forever, or they have hurt you so badly that you cannot imagine ever forgiving them, or they weren’t a good enough friend in the first place to merit forgiveness, since you didn’t care to be around them anyway.  The dilemma and decision are yours to make.  Just remember that if you thought them worth “best friend” status before, keep that in mind if they offer an olive branch.

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Everybody Loves A Good Clips Episode…

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

This week I wanted to revisit some of my previous posts that I find to be worth repeating, because when it comes to money and relationships, lessons need to be reinforced.  It’s the best way to stay focused!  Below, you will find links to some of our previous and a description.  We hope they keep you focused if you are doing well with your money and marriage (relationship) or get you back on track if you’ve lost your way. 

  • Can You Plan Spontaneity - This is a recent post, but it’s a good one, and it’s one of our trademark tips for a successful lifestyle .  The post outlines how we have built spontaneity into our budget (which works quite well, I assure you), achieving both spontaneity (to have a little mystery about special outings, gifts etc.) and budget restraint (so you have so money to retire on one day).
  • YOU are an emotional piggy bank -   This post has generated a lotof talk of the last few weeks.   You are an emotional piggy bank, taking in deposits and doling out payments from other people.  Just like a bank account or a piggy bank, you need to have more deposits coming in than payments going out for the system (i.e. you) to function.  People that drain too much from you, drain you, and you should spend time with them sparingly, if at all.  This, of course, is opposed to emotional boosts, who make lotsof deposits into your piggy bank.  You should spend as much time as possible around these special people.
  • Never forget where you started… - This post is a reminder of why you got married or into a relationship with your spouse/significant other, and some tips on how to make it work better or keep it working wonderfully!
  • Why your friends are costing you money, and what you can do to stop it! - This post is all about being friends with people who have a larger income than you and ways to avoid the pressure of spending too much money, or spending money that you don’t have when you hang out/spend time with them!
  •   So, going to the gym is like budgeting my finances? - This post draws parallels between going to the gym and budgeting your finances.  Not only are there insights into better ways to budget your money, but there are also a few tips on going to the gym!  You can’t beat that!

So, those are the blog posts that we’d like for you to go back and take a second look at!  Hopefully, you will find some information that helps you along in your life, or reaffirms what you already have in practice!

 

 

 

 

“clips episode” of previous posts that are “must reads”

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Why Staying United Can Strengthen Your Marriage…

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

Honestly, I don’t understand where the breakdown happens in relationships. I mean, you got together because you loved each other (at least in theory) and worked well together. So why then, do people not stay connected and united as time goes by in their relationship/marriage? I don’t know the answer, but I do know what living life in a united marriage is like. Jerrill and I don’t take on any situation without talking about it first, if possible. Over time, we’ve gotten used to each other, and can anticipate each other’s actions’ and reactions’ to situations. However, for those times where we can’t anticipate the other, we discuss what’s going on and act in unison. This approach to life can be very useful with children… and other situations.

We’ve all seen the T.V. shows where a child comes into a room and asks his father to go to a friend’s house, and the father says “no”. The child then goes to his mother and asks her the same question, to which she replies “sure”. This couple is not united, but they should be. Always backing up your spouse when interacting with your children will keep the confusion of the day (week, month etc.) to a minimum and will teach the child that they cannot “divide and conquer” their parents.

Being united when you are dealing with life’s other problems, like a friend who betrays you, a jerk behind a counter who tries to assert their “authority” or a family member who tries to come between you demonstrates your strength in tough situations and discourages the individual from these actions in the future. Staying positive, and giving and drawing strength from one another is what it’s all about…but in the end, it’s also nice to know that there is someone who loves you above all others, who “has your back” no matter what.

Something to remember the next time “friend drama” starts to come between you and your spouse, or your child tries to con his/her way into a new toy using the “divide and conquer” technique!

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YOU are an emotional piggybank…

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

I love piggybanks. They are such a good example for so many things in our life. While talking with Jerrill this past weekend, he used it as an example for our emotions, and I wanted to share our insights today.

The fact is, most of us are an emotional piggybank. There are both deposits and withdrawals made to the piggybank, and to stay on track with your piggybank, you need to keep the “in-flow” equal to or greater than the “out-flow”. So, how do you keep the in-flow up? By surrounding yourself with the right type of people.

There are people in the world who are emotional drains. They are negative about other people, about themselves and about the world. They bring our mood and our spirit down and we feel worse after we have been around them. These people TAKE from our emotional piggybank. They are doing nothing for you emotionally except wearing down your spirit and your nerves. Now, they probably do not know that they are emotional drains to their friends and family, and it’s not like they have intentions of being this way…they just are.

The other side of the spectrum is the person who is an emotional boost to your life. They are the people who brighten your day. They are positive about other people and about the world in general. You leave their presence just as happy, if not happier, than when you arrived! These people GIVE to our emotional piggybank.

A person who once was a boost can become a drain if they have had something bad happen in their life and an emotional drain can become a boost if their life changes for the better. Hopefully, the drains in your life will eventually become a boost, but don’t count on it. Some people will always be a drain. It is your choice whether you keep them in your life.

In theory, you would do well not to have any emotional withdrawals from your piggybank at all. I have people in my life from each category, and being around those who deposit in my piggybank is a lot easier than being around those who make withdrawals. Your goal, like mine, should be to surround yourself with more emotional boosts than emotional drains so that your emotional piggybank is overflowing with deposits, and not impacted by the negativity of others.

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