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Spoiled children and silly parenting.

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

One of my best friends shared a story with me the other day that I felt compelled to share with our readers today.  She was at her salon, getting a haircut, when a mother came in with her 5 year old daughter for a manicure.  Big deal, you might say, until I tell you that the manicure was for the daughter, and while she was there, she also purchased the 5 year old a spa package!  What silliness!  What 5 year old child needs a manicure, much less a spa package!  Does she need a massage after having such a hard day?  A facial, to get rid of all those blemishes and wrinkles?  Seriously, what possible reason could a child need a spa package?  There isn’t a good reason.  This is simply an example of a mother being overly indulgent and not realizing the damage that that kind of parenting can cause. 

Instant gratification is having a lack of impulse control, and, conversely, delayed gratification  is having the ability to wait for something you want (i.e. willpower or impulse control).  In our society we tend to think of children as having no impulse control, and learning this ability as they get older and become an adult.  Well, what happens when the child isn’t taught impulse control, and grows up with the same attitudes they had as a child?  We think that these children grow up to be the people who struggle with any vices that require willpower/impulse control, such as spending money and overeating etc.  These people still have the “I want it now” attitude, and whatever “it” is, they don’t deny themselves the treat, because they “deserve” it.  Can you imagine what the little girl with the spa package at age 5 will act like as an adult if she  doesn’t learn to have self control (which is not likely to be learned from her mother, I’m sorry to say)?  So, what’s the good news?  If you struggle with impulse control, you can learn it as an adult.  You just have to take each instance where you need willpower and ask yourself why you need the item now, and if it’s worth it.  It’s not easy.  You will fail on occasion.  But every time you don’t fail, that’s one step closer to mastering the skill!

Delayed gratification is one of the biggest tricks up the sleeves of people who succeed.  They know how to wait for what they want.  Knowing this, as a parent, make sure you teach your child how to have willpower, and as an adult (who lacks willpower), decide that you aren’t going to fall victim to your childhood whims of instant gratification and help yourself succeed!

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Some stars should keep their day jobs!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There’s a new show about to start on NBC called The Marriage Ref, and while I think it’s likely to be funny, I also think there will be people out there who take the advice offered by the celebrity guests as more serious and less entertainment.  Why shouldn’t they take it as real, valuable or decent advice?  Because the stars slated to offer this advice include the likes of Madonna and Alec Baldwin!  Really?  Who in their right mind would take marriage advice from Madonna, given her 2 divorces and other past relationships.  What help could she possibly offer a struggling couple that a real, licensed therapist couldn’t do better? 

And let’s not forget the nasty divorce between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  That situation was all over the entertainment magazines and shows when it was top news, and most of us remember the not so distant and very public fight he had with his 11 year old daughter, in which he called her a pig.  I don’t think he’s the best choice for helping a couple work things out.

To be fair, I think that this show will be hilarious, but only because the advice offered from the celebrities will be, to put it politely, “sub par”.  I worry that people watching it will give them credit as being an “expert” on fixing relationships, simply because they’re a celebrity.  We have a tendency to give people more credit than they’re due in our society if they’re on TV, which is ridiculous.  Just because someone is on TV does NOT make them an expert, and I hope our readers never forget it!

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Why spending today costs more than you think…

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Once again we look to Dan Miller and his 48 days blog (visit the links section of our website for more info on Dan Miller) for an interesting article.  Today’s article, Look rich-die broke was inspired by a sign in front of a car accessories shop in Florida that read: “Rent your wheels and tires here”.

Like furniture rental places, you can apparently also rent the rims you’ve been dying to have for your car as well, that way, you can look cool, and rich, even if you’re broke.  Dan Miller has a knack for talking about topics that are important to me, and there are few things that get my blood boiling more than people who spend themselves into debt chasing status.  He highlights the new book from Thomas Stanley, author of The Millionaire Next Door and The Millionaire Mind, both of which are excellent books (I will be buying and reading this newest addition to his works).  This new book highlights some of the habits of the truly rich (as opposed to those who only appear rich), which, in general, does not include renting your rims. 

Read the post, and go buy (or check out from your local library) Thomas Stanley’s newest book, Stop Acting Rich.  Let’s all begin to be open minded to the idea that having fancy things (for status) and spending obscene amounts of money on weddings and “McMansions” are not the real way for the average person to become wealthy.  Once you stop believing you are going to simply luck into a fortune, or become famous and rich out of the blue, you can focus on becoming rich the way most people do…through saving, working hard, and striving to be the best at their passion so they can advance themselves in that particular field over the years.

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Obsession with Hollywood not good for the pocketbook…

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Personal confession: I love reading fashion magazines.  I like to see what trends are out there, to know what the best beauty tricks and products are etc.  Unfortunately, part of that world is the celebrity.  Magazines put them on their covers, they include their opinions on everything from decorating to politics (yes, because acting in action movies with big budgets qualifies you more than the average person to decide what’s wrong with this country) and they make them larger than life.  Now, as much as I love looking at the pictures and reading the articles, I can’t stand the obsession with Hollywood and being famous.

What do I do with my fashion knowledge??  I use it to shop for bargains at retail stores that aren’t going to break the bank.  Some people, however, think that they have to have what’s in the magazine, and what the stars are wearing, and they blow through their credit card limits barely noticing as they chase the current trends.  These poor people would rather be in debt than off trend or insignificant.  They chase celebrity status and think they are entitled to the best things in life.  I feel very bad for these people, because they don’t understand the damage that they’re doing to their lives, all in the pursuit of fame and appearances.  Do a google search for how to become famous, get 80 million results…search for how many people become famous, and get no relevant or accurate results.  For many people, this is an obsession, and it will cause them a lot of heartache throughout the years if they don’t change.

So, what are a couple of ways to turn the negatives of obsessing over fame and status into a positive?  Well, deciding to become the best at what you do, even if it means you’re not famous or on TV, is a good start.  That way, you’re pouring your energy and ambition into something that is likely to help you secure a decent lifestyle and a comfortable retirement in the future, and you’re not distracted by what is not likely to happen.  Also, challenge yourself to either save everything you were spending on those expensive lifestyle goods, or challenge yourself to find the absolute best price on them.  You’d be surprised at how much money you can save, if you just stop paying attention to the designer label!  

Remember, being an adult isn’t about age…it’s about character, attitude and actions…don’t let your actions reveal you to be a child, only out to get attention and the latest, coolest toys.

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Today, we have a “guest speaker”…

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Today, we have an article written by a friend and business associate.  It isn’t exactly in our normal scope of what we write about, but for those of you thinking of starting your own business so that you can earn extra income and get yourself out of debt, this is for you:

Small Business Tips, By Douglas C. Howard

A Message to Employees

As a small business owner, one of the hardest aspects of running a business is finding the time to do it yourself, or be willing to delegate the task to someone else.  The first course of action provides the benefit of knowing that the task was done specifically how you, the owner, wanted it done, in a timely fashion, and you do not have anyone to blame for failure except yourself.  Delegation, of course, means that you may benefit from someone else’s expertise, frees you for other important tasks, and allows your employees the chance to prove themselves.

Of course, the pitfalls for the first course of action, are that you do not have enough time to do everything, you must find some way to balance running your business with your life, and you may not be the best person to handle that specific task.  The downside to delegation is that you have to trust someone to take care of the task, they may not do it exactly how you would have or would have wanted it done, and they may not do it in a timely fashion.

“A Message to Garcia” is a short essay by Elbert Hubbard written in 1899.  No doubt many of you have already read and studied its message, being that of a short work.  But its message is still relevant today, more so than ever.  I recently ran across it and thought a brief summary of the work would be great as “A Message to Employees”.

“A Message to Garcia” is set during the conflict between Spain and the United States and takes place in Cuba.  Of course at that time, communication had to take place in person or via courier, if telegraph were unavailable.  The essay centers on an Army Lieutenant by the name of Andrew Rowan.  General Garcia was the commanding officer of insurgents located in Cuba.  He was located somewhere in the mountainous region of Cuba and would be difficult to find and communicate with.  A message had to be gotten to him so that his forces could be mustered.  How was a message to be gotten to Garcia?  President William McKinley and other commanding generals were unsure, until Lt. Rowan was suggested, stating that he was the person for the job, “if anyone can.” 

Rowan was summoned, given the message, told the general location of Garcia, and was sent off on his way.  He was not told how to do the job, or how to find Garcia, nor did he ask.  He was simply delivered to Cuba on one side of the island, and three weeks later picked up on the other side of the island, having completed his task.

So I ask employees, “Are you the Rowan of your company?” 

If you strive to be the Rowan of the company you work for, here are some general tips.

First, be available for assignments, any assignment, without hesitation.  The owner of the company or your direct supervisor may not want to ask you do something that may seem so menial, but if it is a project that they can get off of the “to-do” list, it may help them immensely.  If you are adaptable to whatever task is at hand, you will become indispensable to your company.

Second, be reliable.  If your boss asks you to get something done in a timely manner, have it done by that deadline.  Often other deadlines must be met down the line, so do not be the weak link.

Third, ask for guidance on the task, but figure out how to get it done on your own.  This is a fine line to walk, but the more you can do on your own, the more burden you relieve from your superior.  The more burden you relieve, the more grateful your superior will be.

Fourth, take action.  So often people get bogged down in the details that they become apoplectic and unable to even start a project.  Often times procrastination prevents even the first step from being taken, which is most often the hardest step to take.  As I write this, I have had to stave off turning on the television, checking my email, researching other issues not relevant to this article at hand, getting up to grab lunch, and a hundred other minuscule thoughts that crossed my mind to prevent me from writing this article.

Fifth, be diligent.  After taking the first step, be diligent in taking the next several steps.  Eventually you will come out on the other side.  See the preceding paragraph for an explanation.  Whether it takes an hour or three weeks, staying on task, will eventually get it done.  And it will show your employer that you do not need constant hand-holding or someone looking over your shoulder to make sure that you are getting your work done.

I hope this is helpful.  Since “A Message to Garcia” is short, it is well worth the read.  It is considered public domain and a copy of the complete text can be found at HowardLawGroup.com on the “Small Biz Tips” page.

Douglas C. Howard is an attorney based in Frankfort, Kentucky that assists small businesses with their legal needs and has taught “Entrepreneurship 101″ for the Thornhill Community Education Center and posts tweets and other updates on Twitter under his Twitter name, LegalPreneur.

From Wikipedia:  Elbert Hubbard was an author and philosophers who edited and published two magazines, The Philistine and The Fra. The Philistine was bound in brown butcher paper and full of satire and whimsy. (Hubbard himself quipped that the cover was butcher paper because “There is meat inside.”)  Owing to his prolific publications, Hubbard was a renowned figure in his day.

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Why handouts aren’t good in the long run…

Friday, January 29th, 2010

A new blog post by one of my favorite Authors/entrepreneurs, Dan Miller, caught my eye, and I thought it would be worth sharing.  The post, titled, When Helping Hurts focuses on some recent developments regarding our national unemployment program.

The government is looking into extending benefits in the unemployment program for the 5th (that’s right, I said 5th) time since the recession started, just a couple of years ago!  Normally, the benefits are doled out to the unemployed over 26 weeks (aka 6 months), with the option to get a 13 week extension.  Basically, this means that you can draw unemployment for 9 months before you have to go back to work, and a lot of people do just that!  They collect full benefits before even really trying to get a job!  Why, you ask?  Well, I assume for some it’s because they think it’s “free money”, but, as we all know, that’s never the case for anything.  Somebody always pays, be it the company, the taxpayers, the government (which takes its money from the taxpayers) or the consumer (who is almost always ALSO a taxpayer).  Under the new proposed benefits, the pay outs can run as long as 99 weeks…almost 2 YEARS!

The funny thing is that some studies sited in the post indicate that people are most likely to find a job when the unemployment runs out, no matter if that length of time is 2, 26 or 99 weeks.    People seem to think that because they are drawing unemployment, they economy must really be in the toilet for everyone, and so they don’t try.  However, when there is no more unemployment, they “magically” find work.  Amazing!

There are many examples of these programs being run the wrong way and abused by some of the participants.  I’m not going to get into that, because I have a feeling many of you wouldn’t want to read a post that long.  If I’m wrong, say so in the comment section, and I’d be happy to oblige!

Dan Miller draws an interesting observation, drawing a parallel between the way bears hunt and the way we as humans acquire a job.  Bears hunt more efficiently when they aren’t given food from humans…you know, when they have to hunt.  We are the same way with money and jobs.  When there isn’t somebody giving them to us, we get creative and figure out a way to do it.  Be that start our own company, go to work for someone else or sell some stuff, we will make it work.  Can’t find work in your area?  Perhaps you should move.  Think outside the box people!

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Why men should (but don’t) ask for directions…

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Jerrill had a very interesting point this week, and we wanted to share it with our readers.  It’s not that people don’t know this, at least at some level, it’s just that we either forget it, or don’t want to swallow our pride and undertake it…the “it”, is asking for directions.

There are very few people out there who can make intuitive leaps of greater understanding out of scarce information.   You know, the people who excel in an area in spite of all surroundings and obstacles.  These are the “genius janitors” out there, solving quantum physics equations on their lunch breaks.   They are the jungle explorers who can successfully navigate to the other side, safe from animals and disease. These are the people that make/invent the things that push civilization forward.  People like Leonardo da Vinci and Nicola Tesla.  For the rest of us mere mortals, gleaning a deep understanding of something takes work and time.   Time we don’t generally have.  Another problem?  Many of us have too much pride to ask those individuals that already have the knowledge we need to share it with us.   It’s hard for us to make progress as individuals, much less move forward and take a bunch of people with us. You know who you are!   You are the man that refuses to ask for directions and gets lost, because navigating from point A to point B seemed like such an easy task at the beginning of the road trip (Thank goodness for GPS!).  You are the person out there quietly struggling to pay the bills and building up a savings account because you were never taught how in school and never sought out the advice of someone who has it all figured out.   You know how your favorite southern couple feels about that!  Swallow that pride!  Find somebody who is “smarter” than you and ask them to share their knowledge.   Odds are, they will happily do so, and you won’t have to reinvent the wheel.   Find someone who is already doing what you want to do yourself, be it find that boutique or thrift store across town, balance that budget, or solve that physics equation! 

You don’t have to go through life without help.  Nobody does.  There are scads of things out there to help you along, some are free and some aren’t, but they are all there for you.  But you have to take the first step.  You have to ask for help, before it is given to you!

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They want to tax your junk food.

Friday, January 15th, 2010

A new article from WalletPop.com is discussing the good and bad things that could come from a tax on soda/junk food.  The article, titled Should we tax junk food to control obesity?, caught my attention right away. 

Now, one might think that this is a good plan, since the article sights some very compelling statistics, including the following:

  • 58 million people are overweight, 40 million are obese, and 3 million are morbidly obese
  • Eight out of 10 are over 25 lbs. overweight
  • 78% of Americans are not meeting basic activity level recommendations
  • 25% are completely sedentary
  • 76% increase in Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 years old since 1990

What does this mean to us?  It means that, yes, we are getting fatter.  A lot fatter.  We are coming up with new products like body shapers to hide our fat rolls, and some sort of tape to make our arms look thinner!  Don’t believe me?  Check this out!  And I don’t think anybody remembers the word “muffin top” ever being used until we started wearing pants that sat low enough on our hips to “show off” our fat rolls.  By the way, if you have a muffin top, by a bigger size and a belt! 

So we’re getting fatter!  I hate it!  I love to exercise, and I try to watch what I eat…but I’m not a health nut.  I have junk food on occasion!  I am not model thin, and don’t expect that I ever will be, since my goal is strength and not a 22 inch waistline.  However, I keep my weight within a normal weight range and an average Body Fat Percentage.  I worry about the people I see and know that don’t get any exercise, and don’t watch what they eat at all.  I worry for their lives!  I don’t, however, think that taxing the people to the poor house is the way to go about fixing it!  We’re nuts if we think these people don’t know that this food/soda is bad for them.  They know it!  Punishing them (i.e. taxing them) for their “bad behaviour” is not a RIGHT that I want to give our government, thank you very much.  The next thing you know, the government will be punishing us for all of our bad behaviours, like watching too much TV, not flossing and not recycling ALL of our trash!  It’s not up to them to legislate our behaviour. 

The article takes a much more positive approach to this tax then I would.  Yes, it breaks my heart to see children and teenagers that are not active at all.  12 year old girls that have to shop in the “women’s plus” size section at a store because the cool, stylish clothes for their age don’t fit them.  I want these people to get healthy as much as the next person, but it has to start at home.  They have to decide for themselves that they are dissatisfied with how they look and how they feel.  And then, they have to be mad enough at themselves to do something about it! 

The article says that the taxes raised could be used for education and health programs.  Yeah, it could, but it won’t be.  Have we all forgotten the promise of lottery money being used for education (read this)?  Think about it rationally, without emotion…you know as well as I do that they won’t use the money for what they say they will, or if they do, it will be like 1% of the revenue.   Taxing these people won’t fix the problem, and I don’t want the government legislating what I do or don’t eat.

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Why the mall contradicts the experts…

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

I drive by our local mall often, and for the past several months, I’ve been watching it for signs of the recession, unemployment, and how bad the economy is suffering.  Now, as much as I believe that there are places all throughout the country that are truly suffering, with debt, falling home prices and unemployment, I have to say, it’s not happening with the same fury everywhere, the way the media would have you think.

I hate to see people suffer, and those people that have lost their jobs are in my prayers.  However, the falling home prices are only an immediate concern if you are trying to sell your house and/or have lost your job.  If you have a stable income and are contented in your home, staying there for a few years (decade, maybe?) isn’t a big deal, so neither is the drop in value.  Debt, is, as always, a major concern for us.  If you are employed, you should be making a budget, sticking to it, funding your emergency fund and getting out of debt.  If you are unemployed, then you are in an income crisis, and that should be your main concern…along with food, shelter (that doesn’t mean a “McMansion”) and basic utilities (i.e. lights, water and heat).  You can’t focus on paying people back what you owe until you get stability back in your life, so put them on hold, even if it takes a few months. 

I would like to make a point for our readers though: with roughly 10% unemployment, that means that 10 people out of 100 are out of work, which is the same as saying 90 people of 100 are employed…it’s terrible for those 10 people, but overall, it’s not a catastrophe.  And those 90 out of 100?  They are shopping!  Maybe less often than before, and they might be spending less than before, but they are shopping…at least, that’s the way it looks EVERY time I drive past/go to the mall.  The place is packed!  As usual, I can’t find parking there, and the Christmas season was just as bad as usual.  Now, like I said, I know this isn’t the case everywhere, but the media’s version that everyone everywhere is suffering terribly, in houses they can’t afford, without jobs and piling up debt.  This isn’t true either.  The truth, as usual, is probably somewhere in the middle.  Some are suffering, some aren’t.  If you are suffering, I wish you luck and speed in your job searches and in getting out of debt, and if your job and home life are stable and “secure”, work hard to keep it that way, and help those who need it, either with prayer, food donations or job contacts (etc.).

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Our State of the Union…

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

Last night, your favorite southern couple had our bi-annual “State of the Union” or “budget committee meeting”.  Basically, a time when we sit down and review our budget and re-vamp any budgeted items that are receiving too much money or not enough money.  Now, we talk about our budget line items that affect us on a weekly basis, on a weekly basis.  These are the things we do every week, like buy groceries and gas.  The bi-annual committee meeting is for the things we don’t look at all the time, like web hosting fees and legal fees etc. 

As I said above, we also go over our budget reports to understand what is being under-funded and what is being over-funded.  We look at EVERY budget item.  Last night, we had to increase the money funding our medical budget and our grocery budget (I swear the grocery stores just keep raising the prices!).  Now, you might be asking “how do you increase a line item?”, and the answer is simple; Something else has to be cut back.  We took the money from our monthly savings (grudgingly) to fund the additional money needed for the medical and grocery budget items.  What if you have no savings?  Then you have to cut back on another line item, like cable, telephone or Internet.  Is your budget so slim that you don’t have ANYextras?  Then you need to try cost cutting to bring your spending in line with your budgeted amount, or increase your income to cover the overages.  It’s simple math…your budget must be balanced!  If there aren’t enough funds, you must cut back, or make more!

Now I challenge you to have your own budget committee meeting (if you’re single, you still need to have the meeting with just yourself, or a friend/family member you trust to share this info with)!  Sit down and figure out how much you spent on all your expenses this last year!  How much did you go over? Under?  Do you even have a budget?  First things first, you need a budget.  Get out a pen and paper, and write down all of your expenses, in order of importance (1. housing, 2. food, 3. electricity etc.), then write down your income.  Assign amounts to each category.  If you run out of income before you reach the bottom, then you either need to cut back your expenses, or increase your income.  Did you reach the bottom with money to spare?  Great!  If you have debt, use the money to pay it off, if not, start saving an emergency fund for 3-6 months worth of expenses, and after that, for retirement! 

It’s our opinion that money works for you and not against you if you watch it like a hawk.  Don’t give yourself the opportunity to mess up!  Start this year off right, and take your budget committee meeting to the kitchen table tonight!

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