A lot of people make the mistake of defining success by saying, “I would be successful if I had what that person over there has!” That neighbor with a shiny new sports car in the driveway may indeed appear quite successful. But would you wish for that kind of success if you knew it came along with crushing debt and high maintenance costs? A friend who appears to have a happy marriage when she has you over for dinner, may cry herself to sleep at night because of her husband’s philandering indiscretions. If you think having, for example, a Coach purse on your arm or a shiny new Ford Mustang Shelby in the driveway is a powerful demonstration of success, I hate to break it to you. It means exactly nothing!
The problem is that it’s a lot easier to feign success than it is to be truly successful in your life. In decades past, when a person was doing well financially, they would have nicer things. Designer clothes and accessories, fancy cars, and a large, fine house were all indicators that someone had “arrived”. Nowadays, it isn’t possible to tell who is growing their savings accounts and who is growing their debt to income ratio. Thinking of success in terms of what other people have carries two problems.
The first problem revolves around how you make yourself feel when you obsess over other peoples’ possessions. Think about our society these days. Everyone, and I mean everyone, 3rd grade children included (I work in the public school system, so trust me it’s true), want Coach purses, Nike Air Force One tennis shoes or whatever material item symbolizes status for them. Then, they want 10 of that item. Given that the money people make for themselves eventually runs out, they make themselves miserable racking up credit card debt (which, incidentally means the BANK owns that Coach bag, not you) or worrying about how to make more money…NOT to save for retirement, but to buy more stuff. Think about that… They worry, as in put great amounts of thought and effort into, figuring out how to make more money to buy stuff to impress other people!!! I am all for owning luxury items like a boat or a pool etc…if you can pay cash for these things. They are status symbols to me, but not in the traditional way. They are status symbols of how a person likes to spend time with loved ones (be they friends or family), making memories and sharing laughs.
The second problem is the result of the first problem. By spending all of the money you earned by the sweat of your brow, you then have less money to live how you “dreamed” you would live when you retire. People generally daydream about retiring in a nice paid for house, with a paid for car, on some land, maybe in the country, or on a boat, on the ocean, or in a condo at the beach. They don’t generally daydream about debt, and that would be because we all assume that when we retire, our debt will be paid off. Why would we ever assume that??? If we don’t pay it off ourselves, who is going to pay it off for us?? The government?? Why would they do that? Did they accrue the debt?? Are they driving the Lincoln Navigator?? Do they have your Louis Vuitton and your Hermes Birkin bag at the Pentagon, passing them around the water cooler?? No, obviously, they are not. So, if the government is not paying off your debt, then I guess that would leave you to take responsibility. Now, most people would want to pay off said debts when they are young, to get it out of the way. OH NO, BUT WAIT!!! That means I can’t buy those Jimmy Choo shoes I am DYING to go buy this weekend. That’s right. It is a hard lesson to learn, but in the words of The Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want. And therein lies the problem. Save for retirement, or spend for the day. I guess people have to make that decision for themselves, but at least, everyone knows where we stand.
Next week: Success is personal
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